A New Recruit

[Shaon]

((Series of fanfiction for an internet radio I am suddenly heavily involved with.))

A New Recruit Joins Radio

They all stood, waiting anxiously. She looked around nervously. Nearby her she could see a hedgehog in a John Deere hat and a red Yoshi, both concentrating on the man at the podium.

A month ago she had heard that the mysterious organization that resided in the back of everyone’s heads, an organization known only as Radio PSI, was recruiting members. No one could remember the last time this had occurred, and many of the younger citizens of Starmen.net had flocked to apply.

She was one of them. Three weeks ago she had turned in her application, and two weeks ago she heard a knock on her door. When she opened the door, she found a small white present with a note attached to it.
“You have been selected to be examined tonight,” the note stated. “Do not look for us. Take the present. — Beta.”

She opened the present, which was quite neatly held together with a red ribbon. Inside was, of all things, a headset. Headsets were an incredibly rare commodity in her hometown of #radioPSI, and, for that matter, most of Starmen.net. It was surprising that she was given one, and she was unsure as to why.

She picked up the headset, hesitantly for a moment, and then dropped it and the present box out of surprise. The split second she touched the metal arch, all feelings of nervousness were wiped from her mind. In that second, she was completely ready to face this examination. As the present and headset toppled to the floor, she returned to normal. Carefully, without touching the headset again, she scooped up the box and its contents and placed them onto a table.

She tried to keep the examination off her mind as she went about her day, and as the sun began to set she couldn’t help but wonder if they were actually coming. Just that second, she heard another knock on her door.

She ran to the door and opened it quickly. A man in a suit with neatly combed black hair stood there. “Hello,” he said, “I am DJ Punky Brewster. I am here to observe your tryout.” He sounded not unlike someone reading a script for the first time.

“Hello, Mr. Punky Brewster, please come in,” she replied, beckoning for him to enter her home.

“Please, just call me Brewster,” he said, quickly, and in a much less flat voice. He sat down in a nearby chair.

She followed him, sitting down across the table.

“I see you have gotten our package,” he stated. On the table between them was the present, the ribbon lying next to it. She nodded.

Opening up his suitcase, DJ Brewster got out a clipboard. She spotted a similar headset before he closed it again.

“I’m ready to start this as soon as you are,” Brewster said. He clicked a pen.

Hesitantly, she slid the present box towards herself. Carefully, she opened it, and gripped the headset as hard as she could so not to drop it again. The calm washed over her just as quickly as it did before. Her grip loosened, but the headset did not clatter to the ground. She smiled as she donned the headset. She felt like she was destined to do this, like she was doing this for all of her life; she knew exactly what do do next. “This is Radio PSI, and I’m going to have an excellent show for you tonight.”

Everything blurred together after that. She felt happy, calm, and confident for the hour she wore the headset. Eventually, she felt a tap on her arm and was brought back to reality. Brewster was much closer to her than he was before, and looked panicked. “That’s… that’s enough, please.” Almost reluctantly, she took off the headset and placed it back in the white box. Immediately after her hand left the headset, her heart felt as if it had fallen into her stomach; she had realized what the emotion on Brewster’s face meant.

“Thank you for applying to join our members,” Brewster said, quickly, standing up and heading towards the doors. “The announcements will be on-”

“I know when the announcements are going to be,” she interrupted.

“I will see you then,” Brewster replied, before leaving.

And there she stood, as anxious as ever. DJ Brewster sat second in the row, next to another DJ that she recognized due to his popularity and long hair.

She looked at those around her. As well as the hedgehog, she saw two men with beards that could only be described as epic, and an unfamiliar girl with short blond hair and glasses. Though #radioPSI was a large city, she recognized most of the crowd from when she first turned in her application.

The man at the podium cleared his throat. His voice was incredibly loud, although there were no microphones nor speakers in sight. Not even a headset.

“Hello,” he started. “My name is DJ Dex, and I’d like to thank you for going out of your way to come here today.”

She noted that he was suddenly wearing sunglasses. She clearly remembered him not wearing any only a moment ago.

“Though all of you had excellent resumes…” He paused to pull off his sunglasses. “Only three were chosen.”

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!_

The song Won’t Get Fooled Again started playing, startling most in the audience. Looking again, there were still no speakers in sight. The song began to fade after Dex looked behind him at the other DJs, and saw that several of them were not amused.

Dex sighed. “Well, without further ado, the new recruits are as follows:”

Before Dex could continue, a drumroll sounded. The DJs looked around, startled. She looked behind her to see one of the epic-bearded men grinning.

Dex waited until the drumroll stopped before continuing. “The new recruits are as follows:”

“Ranger…”

The blue hedgehog in the John Deere hat jumped, and walked onto the stage.

“Kame…”

A girl who had the air of a talk show host walked onto the stage.

“And Slice.”

A man who was undeniably British also walked onto the stage.

The audience applauded. She was unsurprised that she didn’t make it; after what happened that night—

She saw Brewster look at the DJ to his right, who nodded. He stood up, walked to Dex, and whispered something into his ear.

“I’m sorry, there’s been an error. There were actually four who were chosen to join our fold. Last, and most definitely not least, the newest member of Radio PSI is…”

“Wilhelmina Carmel.” Her heart skipped a beat.

[Shaon]

A New Recruit Fights Crime, Chapter 1: A New Recruit Falls Asleep

It was only when they were all sitting a black van, driven by Ozztastic, when Wilhelmina suddenly realized that she didn’t actually know what Radio PSI actually did.

She sat next to Ranger, with Beta in the front passenger seat and Slice and Kame in the third row of seats.

Everything between her name being announced and her sitting here was a blur; a blur not quite unlike the one she felt during her evaluation.

“We’re heading to Radio PSI headquarters,” announced Beta. “You’ll find that everything you need is there; we do not allow members to live outside of campus. You’ll find it far more convenient than it may at first seem.”

“Mr. Beta,” she asked, “Other than the radio shows, what exactly does Radio PSI do?”

DJ Beta grinned. “You’ll see. And please, call me Blackleader, Wilhelmina; we have personal names, but don’t use them to anyone except other members.”

Wilhelmina nodded.

The trip to the headquarters was a short one; Ozztastic flashed a card at the attendant, who opened up the driveway. A few seconds more and they were in an enclosed alcove. Blackleader exited the van; Wilhelmina and the others followed.

“This is headquarters,” he said, opening the doors for them. The lobby was extravagant, if deserted; Books lined one wall and computers lined another. The familiar Radio PSI logo hung over the computers. Blackleader lead them up a spiral staircase and into an elevator.

Once everyone was inside, Blackleader tapped a button and the elevator quickly began to rise. “Living quarters are on the forty-seventh floor,” he told them. “Your rooms are on the first hall to the right; they are labeled by your titles.”

Wilhelmina glanced at the others; they all nodded. She only now noticed just how tired she was. She could barely see the labels as she looked for her room. Duplo… Papercut… Wilhelm Scream.

She paused for a moment. She now has to go by Wilhelm Scream? She was too tired to argue with herself; she didn’t even realize that her room was identical to her old home, if a bit roomier, as she walked over and flopped onto her bed. She did, however, realize that all sleepiness suddenly vanished the second she did lay onto her bed. She heard a low thump. Looking off the side of the bed, she saw the same white box that was previously on the table in her home, now opened. She sat up, looked behind her, and saw the headset laying on her bed, where her back was before. She brushed the headset off her bed, and laid down to sleep.

[Shaon]

A New Recruit Fights Crime, Chapter 2: A New Recruit Meets Katon

A New Recruit Fights Crime, chapter 2: A New Recruit Meets Katon

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Wilhelmina was starting to wake up when she heard a dim knock on the door. She cracked her eyes open, and stared blankly at the ceiling until the knocks came again. With these knocks came a rush of memory; for an instant she relived all of yesterday.

Immediately, she rushed to the door. Ranger the hedgehog stood there. “Uh, Wil,” he began, “Katon’s been waiting for you on the 30th floor for almost half an hour now.”

Wilhelmina blinked. “Oh.”

“He sent me up here in order to see what you were doing.”

Wilhelmina glanced behind her for a moment. “I have to go get ready; head back down without me, I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Alright.” Ranger nodded. As Wilhelmina closed the door, he added, “Don’t forget your headset!”

Wilhelmina’s room was a rush of activity for ten minutes, as she moved as fast as possible to look at least half-decent before leaving. She pushed the headset into its box, placed the lid on it, and headed out the door and into the elevator. She tapped the 30 button and leaned against the back wall. Within a minute, the elevator beeped and the doors opened.

“Wilhelmina! Nice of you to join us,” DJ Not-A-DJ said, cooly. “Please, take a seat.” He gestured towards the empty chair.

Wilhelmina recognized him immediately due to hearing his voice over radio, though never quite in this mood. “I’m sorry, I slept in-”

“I noticed. Please, sit.”

Wilhelmina sighed and sat in the chair next to Ranger.

“As I was saying, Radio PSI is a multifaceted organization.” Not-A-DJ began lecturing. “Along with running the most widely listened-to radio service in the nation, we are also the top research institute in the world, dedicated to one thing: the unique and somewhat obscure art of Coolness.”

Wilhelmina stared blankly.

“You four have been chosen to become Buddies due to your innate talent towards this art. Being a Buddy means that you are being trained in the art of Coolness; once we believe you have learned enough you will become a DJ and, symbolic of this new rank, will be able to choose your new name. Now, let us begin. If you will, please put on your headset. Or,” he paused, glancing at Ranger, “your microphone.”

Wilhelmina gripped the headset and quickly placed it on her head. The others did the same, though Ranger only took out an average desktop microphone and looked somewhat dejected.

“These new things you should be seeing are…” Wilhelmina began to tune out Katon’s voice the second she saw a flash of light blue above her. She jerked her head upward, to see this tendril of electric blue undulating slowly above her. It entranced her, and she whispered quietly to it. The luminescent tendril flowed downward into her hands. She heard her name distantly as she examined the tendril. She moved it with her hands; it was fascinating to look at. She heard her name again as a pale green tendril suddenly came into her view. It rippled around her, but moved away whenever she moved to touch it as well. She heard someone snap their fingers twice. She attempted to grab ahold of this new green tendril and suddenly her head was forcefully moved to the side as she snapped back to reality. Her cheek stung. Katon had his back to her; several small, pale green tendrils waved from his head.

“As Wilhelmina has just demonstrated, it is very easy to lose your concentration while wearing a headset. It is vital that you do not as auras could be goaded into doing terrible things by uttering the a single word. This is the primary reason why we are secretive.”

Katon’s lecture continued like this for a good hour or so, until the elevator beeped again. He looked rather surprised as DJ Brewster walked through the doorway. They moved a small distance away from the buddies and began conversing. Wilhelmina could only catch small snatches of what they said.
“… er needs…”
“But she…”
“Oz said…”
“…nd he…”

Katon sighed and nodded. “Ranger, Wilhelmina. Blackleader wants you.”

[Shaon]

A New Recruit Fights Crime, Chapter 2.5: DJ Not-a-New-Recruit

He opened the door quickly, moving across the room. He didn’t even glance at his life-sized statue of Bill Eager as he flopped onto his chair and promptly put his head into his hands. Katon was clearly not happy.

“Em,” he said, after a while; his voice was muffled. “Em, I think I’ve done something stupid.”

The large parrot, perched behind him like always, cocked her head.

“Em, the buddies are all going to hate me now because I overreacted. They’re all going to think I’m a jerk.”

The parrot fluttered her wings and landed on Katon’s desk. She was a scarlet macaw, and a beautiful one at that.

“Em, it was one of the new girls, Wilhelmina… she fell into a trance. I remembered what Matcab said; he was at her tryout and he said he hadn’t seen as much raw potential from someone in a long time. I… I freaked out a bit.”

Em looked at Katon, as worried as a parrot could show. “Katon, I-” she started, in a voice that was hauntingly human.

“Em, do you know what they’re doing? Matcab told me earlier… they’re going to send two of the buddies after him. It’s suicide; there’s no way they can get it back. Matcab doesn’t want them to go, but he does think Wilhelmina could do it if she was trained a bit, but Blackleader and Oz are afraid of what he could do if he had enough listeners and-”

“Katon-”

“They’re all going to blame me for this but I’m not really a mean guy and-”

“Katon!”

“Ow, what!” Katon sat up straight, clutching his newly-bitten finger.

“Katon, stop blaming yourself. What happened to me wasn’t your fault.”

“But it was my fault, Em, if I just concentrated a bit-”

“Katon. Nothing was known about trances at the time; Even if there was, neither of us could’ve done anything. Besides,” she said, flying onto the back edge of his chair, “I rather like it as a parrot. I don’t mind staying like this for a while longer.”

Katon looked up at the ceiling, avoiding eye contact with the bird at his side. “I know, Magic Cake Woman, but I can’t help it… I mean, I definitely overreacted; even if she did end up doing something, she couldn’t hurt us because of the-”

“Katon, no matter what you did, it was the right thing; it probably taught her not to lose herself in her abilities.”

“Yeah, but-”

“No buts, Katon. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

Katon sighed and changed the subject. “You know, Em, one of new buddies, Ranger, we think he’s been hit with the same thing; he says he doesn’t know why, but he’s a hedgehog. You should talk to him.”

“You know, I probably should.” Magic Cake Woman the macaw nuzzled Katon’s cheek.

[Shaon]

A New Recruit Fights Crime, Chapter 3: A New Recruit Fights Crime

Wilhelmina sat outside of a door labeled ‘DJ Beta’. She did not know quite why he called Ranger and herself out of training if they were just going to sit here. Ranger looked quite uneasy; he stared at the ground, swinging legs that couldn’t touch the ground. For an idle moment, she wondered how exactly Ranger had gotten here; though people who weren’t human existed and she, like the rest of #radioPSI, knew that all people were humans to begin with, it had only just dawned on her that something must have caused him to turn into a three-foot tall blue hedgehog.

She was just about to say something when the door opened. Blackleader stood there. “Oh, good,” he said, “come in.”

She and Ranger sat in two chairs in front of Blackleader’s desk; Blackleader gathered his thoughts. "Where do I start… oh yes. You four Buddies were not the only ones evaluated; there were two more as well. One, we believed, was a shoe-in into our ranks. His name was Captain Bozo. We had seen him before and he had excellent potential; we were very surprised when he applied to become a Buddy. However, when we returned to his home to evaluate him, he was gone, our headset missing with him. All evidence we could find is that he had taken a zeppelin north to our neighboring country of Gameware.

“Your mission is to return the headset to us at any cost. We have learned that Bozo is currently hiding out in the border town known as #ultrasecret. We are unsure as to what he intends to do with his headset; but as you must know by now, headsets can be used for great and terrible things. We cannot risk him attempting to do something horrible.”

Wilhelmina glanced at Ranger; he seemed uneasy and she didn’t quite understand why. After all, the DJs obviously thought they were able to do this mission.

Blackleader continued. “We would have let this slip, if he hadn’t decided to flaunt his abilities to everyone.”

Wilhelmina suddenly remembered last night, with the drum roll from the man behind her. That must’ve been this Captain Bozo… something seemed off with this memory and what Blackleader was telling her, but she could not place what.

Blackleader finished up. “Take it easy for the rest of today; I can’t send you back to your lessons as I am sure by now that Katon has already wrapped them um. Tomorrow, at dawn, you will be leaving for #ultrasecret.”

Wilhelmina nodded and stood up.

—-

She was sitting next to Ranger, eating food in the cafeteria. Grand though it was, it was still a cafeteria in spirit. There was very little conversation between the two. The other Buddies and DJs were spread around the area, talking and laughing.

“Wil,” Ranger said, in a low voice. Wilhelmina snapped to attention. “Wil, I don’t think this… I don’t want to go through with-”

He became silent suddenly. Wilhelmina looked behind her; there was a large parrot of some sort perched on the back of her chair. “Hello,” it said. The voice was female and sounded exactly like that of a human’s; it did not sound as if she were a parrot at all. “You must be Ranger,” she continued. She sounded as if she would be smiling, if beaks had facial muscles.

“I am Ranger,” the hedgehog replied, setting down his fork.

“I am Magic Cake Woman,” the parrot said. “I’ve heard much about you from Katon.”

Wilhelmina looked down at her plate. It was empty; she had no reason to stay. Politely, she stood up. “I’m going to leave you two to talk.”

Ranger and Magic Cake Woman both glanced at her; Ranger nodded. Wilhelmina disposed of her plate and headed into the elevator, tapping the button for the fourty-seventh floor.

She had nothing to do and she might as well head to bed early; after all, tomorrow would likely be quite eventful. Once she headed into her room, she went about her nightly routine before finally laying down to sleep.

Just as she began to doze off, a voice echoed through her thoughts that woke her back up immediately.

“This is DJ Eggstreme and I welcome you to Ultrasecret Radio.”