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rosebarks
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 Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 4:01 pm Post subject: Lexington_Mouto Is At The Dojo To Train. |
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Hey there. Alright, this is to start off Lexy's (Lexington_Mouto's) training. If anyone would like to help feel free to help out, being this is the first time I have tried to train anyone and...Well...I don't know fully how to go about it...But aside from that...Okay.
Lexy is wanting to train in his spelling, grammar, and the seperation on his posts, like what I just did. Okay, so...Lexy, how about we have an Intro and I will see where to go from there...Yeah, that sounds like it would be a good start.
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Lexington_Mouto
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| Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 4:08 pm Post subject: |
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He walked through the city, trying not to be noticed. It was kinda hard not to being shirtless and having most of your body covered in tattoos. He was young, careless and rather hansome. His ears were dog like as well as his tail. He crossed the street and headed west towards the mall.
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rosebarks
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| Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 4:23 pm Post subject: |
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| Lexington_Mouto wrote: |
| He walked through the city, trying not to be noticed. It was kinda hard not to being shirtless and having most of your body covered in tattoos. He was young, careless and rather hansome. His ears were dog like as well as his tail. He crossed the street and headed west towards the mall. |
((okay, first thing's first. WHO is 'he'? ance secondly, you can split even this up into two blocks. Here's how: *Shows in her post*)
He walked through the city, trying not to be noticed. It was kinda hard not to being shirtless and having most of your body covered in tattoos.
He was young, careless and rather hansome. His ears were dog like as well as his tail. He crossed the street and headed west towards the mall.
((That is how you can break it up. It takes 2 enters to usuall break up the paragraph. Now to respond. Makes it more enjoyable.))
A girl with long, golden blonde hair also walked towards the mall. She donned a blood red dress and a cloak over top which was black. She stood about 5'4" in height normally.
This girl's name was Lilic Aerith KanKaren. She often wandered the area since she had no home, or at least no definite home. While she walked she started to whistle a tune, it was an old tune from her now massacred down a long ways away.
((See how I broke it up? try like that, even if it's only maybe 4 sentances, use two and two))
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Lexington_Mouto
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| Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 5:09 pm Post subject: |
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His name was Orlando Mouto. He didn't care what people thought of him. He loved to display his art openly.
He loved tattoos, his body was covered by them. They took up 20% of his body and he wanted more of them.
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rosebarks
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| Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 5:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Lexington_Mouto wrote: |
His name was Orlando Mouto. He didn't care what people thought of him. He loved to display his art openly.
He loved tattoos, his body was covered by them. They took up 20% of his body and he wanted more of them. |
((Good, that's a good post. Try to be most descriptive though, tell us what Orlando looks like, descrip if he is toned or not, hair colour, eye colour.
Tell us his height, does he have claws? Sharper teeth than humans? Does he have any weapons visible?))
The girl, Lilic, noticed the other person. She started to walk towards him with a smile on her face. she was skinny, only about 17 years old, but she was still a nice lookin' girl.
"Hello" Lilic said, speaking to Orlando. Her hair moved a little in the sudden breeze blowing on her back and towards Orlando. She didn't reconize him, so she didn't say much other than 'hi'.
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Lexington_Mouto
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| Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 7:42 pm Post subject: |
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He didn't hear her. He was listening to a brand new black I-Pod, his favorite song was playing. Before He Cheats lyrics
Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleach blonde tramp,
and she's probably getting frisky...
right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey...
Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick, showing her how to shoot a combo...
And he don't know...
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
Right now, she's probably up singing some
white-trash version of Shania karaoke..
Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"
and he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky,
Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom polo
And he don't know...
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats,
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl,
Cause the next time that he cheats...
Oh, you know it won't be on me!
Ohh... not on me...
Cause I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
Ohh.. Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats...
Ohh... before he cheats...
His blue eyes were closed while the wind blew his brown hair. He loved this song it was shown on his face that he pretty much knew all the lyrics to the song. He started to snap his fingers to the beat.
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rosebarks
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| Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 11:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Lexington_Mouto wrote: |
He didn't hear her. He was listening to a brand new black I-Pod, his favorite song was playing. Before He Cheats lyrics
Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleach blonde tramp,
and she's probably getting frisky...
right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey...
Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick, showing her how to shoot a combo...
And he don't know...
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
Right now, she's probably up singing some
white-trash version of Shania karaoke..
Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"
and he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky,
Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom polo
And he don't know...
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats,
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl,
Cause the next time that he cheats...
Oh, you know it won't be on me!
Ohh... not on me...
Cause I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
Ohh.. Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats...
Ohh... before he cheats...
His blue eyes were closed while the wind blew his brown hair. He loved this song it was shown on his face that he pretty much knew all the lyrics to the song. He started to snap his fingers to the beat. |
((Well done Lexy, I see only one mistake in this in total. I didn't give a huge look since I know where ya got the lyrics from since yeah...But if you are going to say: He didn't hear her. He was listening to a brand new black I-Pod, his favorite song was playing. Before He Cheats lyrics... Try to put a ':' there after the word 'lyrics'. Well done though, remember to use your character's name in most of the posts that way we know who you are using.))
Lilic looked at the taller person taking the plugs out. "Excuse me, but I said hello to you sir, you could at least be kind enough to say hello back if you are gonig to be in the Training Dojo. Sheesh, kids these days...I'm Lilic...and you are?" Lilic asked him.
Lilic had a tendancy to be rude to those who were rude back to her, it was who she was. Aside from that she was nice to people, especially people taller than her, like he was. She couldn't place it but she knew something was familiar about this person.
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Lexington_Mouto
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| Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 2:02 pm Post subject: |
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"Oh. I'm sorry miss. I didn't see you", he felt very bad for not responding to this lady. "Whenever I hear my favorite songs, I just zone out sometimes" His shoulders shook with slight laughter and a little embarassment. He knew that what he said was only half true.
The woman didn't look familiar at all to him, but he couldn't quit put his finger on it. "My name is Orlando Mouto" he said very politely.
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rosebarks
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| Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 2:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Lexington_Mouto wrote: |
"Oh. I'm sorry miss. I didn't see you", he felt very bad for not responding to this lady. "Whenever I hear my favorite songs, I just zone out sometimes" His shoulders shook with slight laughter and a little embarassment. He knew that what he said was only half true.
The woman didn't look familiar at all to him, but he couldn't quit put his finger on it. "My name is Orlando Mouto" he said very politely. |
((All right. Only two slight problems here Lexy. If you are going to be meaning that she seemed familiar then maybe next time state that so then this post isn't so confusing.
second problem, you can break that up a little bit more considering the size of the post. Thanks bud!))
"Oh. I'm sorry miss. I didn't see you", he felt very bad for not responding to this lady. "Whenever I hear my favorite songs, I just zone out sometimes"
His shoulders shook with slight laughter and a little embarassment. He knew that what he said was only half true.
The woman didn't look familiar at all to him, but he couldn't quit put his finger on it. "My name is Orlando Mouto" he said very politely.
((Like that. See? other than that, very well done post. And now for the returning post, lol))
"Mouto?" Lilic asked him, the name rang a bell. she knew a Mouto at one point...she had actually dated one in her high school years before she became a wanderer.
The Mouto that Lilic had dated was named Alexis Mouto. but she couldn't remember him too well because her older brother, Nocturne, had seperated them when she was pregnant at the young age of 15, and in grade ten.
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Lexington_Mouto
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| Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 2:39 pm Post subject: |
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| rosebarks wrote: |
| Lexington_Mouto wrote: |
He didn't hear her. He was listening to a brand new black I-Pod, his favorite song was playing. Before He Cheats lyrics
Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleach blonde tramp,
and she's probably getting frisky...
right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey...
Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick, showing her how to shoot a combo...
And he don't know...
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
Right now, she's probably up singing some
white-trash version of Shania karaoke..
Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"
and he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky,
Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom polo
And he don't know...
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats,
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl,
Cause the next time that he cheats...
Oh, you know it won't be on me!
Ohh... not on me...
Cause I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
Ohh.. Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats...
Ohh... before he cheats...
His blue eyes were closed while the wind blew his brown hair. He loved this song it was shown on his face that he pretty much knew all the lyrics to the song. He started to snap his fingers to the beat. |
((Well done Lexy, I see only one mistake in this in total. I didn't give a huge look since I know where ya got the lyrics from since yeah...But if you are going to say: He didn't hear her. He was listening to a brand new black I-Pod, his favorite song was playing. Before He Cheats lyrics... Try to put a ':' there after the word 'lyrics'. Well done though, remember to use your character's name in most of the posts that way we know who you are using.))
Lilic looked at the taller person taking the plugs out. "Excuse me, but I said hello to you sir, you could at least be kind enough to say hello back if you are gonig to be in the Training Dojo. Sheesh, kids these days...I'm Lilic...and you are?" Lilic asked him.
Lilic had a tendancy to be rude to those who were rude back to her, it was who she was. Aside from that she was nice to people, especially people taller than her, like he was. She couldn't place it but she knew something was familiar about this person. |
"Yeah, I've been living with my father. In fact I was just on my way to work" He grinned slightly, "I've neaver known my mother. In fact I don't even know who she is. But it was nice talking to you" he said as he walked away.
He turned and went down a few blocks. His brain was trying to wrap itself around who that lady was.
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rosebarks
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| Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 2:55 pm Post subject: |
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Lilic followed him to his work place. she hadn't seen any Mouto for a long time and her brother, Nocturne surely wouldn't find her here, it was unlikely.
"Do...You mind if i come meet your father?" Lilic asked him politely. She felt like there was a reason to follow Orlando.
((Lexy, remember name))
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Lexington_Mouto
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| Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 7:56 pm Post subject: |
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| rosebarks wrote: |
Lilic followed him to his work place. she hadn't seen any Mouto for a long time and her brother, Nocturne surely wouldn't find her here, it was unlikely.
"Do...You mind if i come meet your father?" Lilic asked him politely. She felt like there was a reason to follow Orlando.
((Lexy, remember name)) |
"Of course, he might be busy so he might ignore you kind of" Orlando said unsurely. Why does she want to meet him he thought.
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rosebarks
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| Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 9:38 pm Post subject: |
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| Lexington_Mouto wrote: |
| rosebarks wrote: |
Lilic followed him to his work place. she hadn't seen any Mouto for a long time and her brother, Nocturne surely wouldn't find her here, it was unlikely.
"Do...You mind if i come meet your father?" Lilic asked him politely. She felt like there was a reason to follow Orlando.
((Lexy, remember name)) |
"Of course, he might be busy so he might ignore you kind of" Orlando said unsurely. Why does she want to meet him he thought. |
((Well done again, but this time, you didn't do the thoughts right. On Blackstar, when you are thinking something personal, you have to do it like this: ~Wow this is interesting~.....And when people could possibly hear it or you want others to hear is, you go like this: ~Neato oh, huh?~ .........One uses italics, the other doesn't. Alright now, returning post.))
Lilic followed him. ~ I hope it's still the Mouto I know...If not, this might be a bit embarrasing ((I think I misspelled that, lol)).~ She had thought to herself.
Lilic really missed Alexis, and this was the only chance to possibly meet him again, considering the fact that they had been split up for at lease 2-3 years time by now.
(( As Shine told when I was being trained: For a training in the style of postings many of the better players around here use, see:
http://www.blackstardojo.org/viewtopic.php?t=341
consider it homework  Its an old thread, so don't respond to it, but the first page or so will be helpful.))
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Lexington_Mouto
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| Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 11:05 pm Post subject: |
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| rosebarks wrote: |
| Lexington_Mouto wrote: |
| rosebarks wrote: |
Lilic followed him to his work place. she hadn't seen any Mouto for a long time and her brother, Nocturne surely wouldn't find her here, it was unlikely.
"Do...You mind if i come meet your father?" Lilic asked him politely. She felt like there was a reason to follow Orlando.
((Lexy, remember name)) |
"Of course, he might be busy so he might ignore you kind of" Orlando said unsurely. Why does she want to meet him he thought. |
((Well done again, but this time, you didn't do the thoughts right. On Blackstar, when you are thinking something personal, you have to do it like this: ~Wow this is interesting~.....And when people could possibly hear it or you want others to hear is, you go like this: ~Neato oh, huh?~ .........One uses italics, the other doesn't. Alright now, returning post.))
Lilic followed him. ~ I hope it's still the Mouto I know...If not, this might be a bit embarrasing ((I think I misspelled that, lol)).~ She had thought to herself.
Lilic really missed Alexis, and this was the only chance to possibly meet him again, considering the fact that they had been split up for at lease 2-3 years time by now.
(( As Shine told when I was being trained: For a training in the style of postings many of the better players around here use, see:
http://www.blackstardojo.org/viewtopic.php?t=341
consider it homework Its an old thread, so don't respond to it, but the first page or so will be helpful.)) |
(( I don't ususally use the '~' it looks weird to use that thing))
He looked to her. "Then again, I'm not sure if he works to day either. I might be working today. Who knows my brother, Angelo always screws up the schedule." He looked at his cell to see what time it was.
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rosebarks
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| Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 11:51 pm Post subject: |
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((Yeah but it is Blackstar's way of using thoughts. Did you do your homework?))
Lilic smiled. "Angelo, Orlando...i remember those names from somewhere" She mumbled to herself under her breath loking at the ground as she walked beside the man.
Lilic couldn't place it yet but she knew those two names then it clicked, or least two other names did. "Is there a Romeo and Neo as well?" She asked lookign to Orlando.
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