The God Of Blackstar

[addman]

The first part of a story I am writing. Without further ado, here it is:


Chapter 1


The muppet fell to his knees in despair, never before had such an event bought him this much grief and sinking despair. He knelt on the ground, frozen as his mind tried to churn over the tradegy that had befallen him, desperately searching through an extensive catalogue of emotions to convey the utter displeasure he was feeling. Several minutes may have passed whilst he stayed there, perfectly still, with a frozen expression of horror upon his face. Maybe it was time for him to face facts here. His cookies were gone.

In times of need, the EC had been known to make brutal cutbacks on the most necessary of items, and Addman’s monthly cookie order would have to be cut out entirely. Any cookies would now have to come out of his own pay cheque as his demand for the baked treats was considered too much of a drain on the EC’s funding, and some of the cash needed to go into “essential areas”. Addman didn’t really see working toilets, computers that can run without crashing, and other EC member’s food as essential, not compared to the delights of cookies, but there it was.

“Can you get out now? I’ve got some urgent work to attend to.” The demon headmaster Fort bluntly asked. He had given Addman the bad news, but he never expected him to take it that badly. The muppet must have been knelt on his floor, silent for a good ten minutes now, there wasn’t much else that could make this situation more awkward. Even if the puppet flew into a murderous rampage and begin urinating on all the elite officers who backed the decision, it would still be a step up from this uncomfortable silence. Eventually, Addman looked up at Fort and broke his speaking hiatus.

“This…I cannot...why would you do this?”

Looking sheepish, the Headmaster walked over to his desk, holding down his finger on a secret panic button. In the room next door, two burly guards were alerted by a blinking red light, who both came to bursting through the office door to Fort’s aid. Without so much as a word, each hooked a hand under the muppet’s arms and began to drag him out of the room, which had inadvertently become Addman’s standard method of leaving Fort’s office. His preferred method included kicking and screaming, but today’s shock had ruined this usual scenario.

A few minutes later, Addman was wandering down the corridor towards the Corrupted Cave’s entrance, going over the day’s events in his mind. The cookie thing was only the latest in a whole string of bad incidents that day, including walking in on Slugfoot in the shower, slipping on some wall slime and landing head first in Raven’s fetish gear collection, realising Net had invented time travel before him (competing against the Spirit of Time was just an uphill struggle), and discovering someone had replaced his deodorant with canned napalm again. It seemed as though Addman’s luck could not get any worse.

He set foot outside the cave and into the Black Forest. He figured a walk may calm his nerves, but he was sorely wrong as he stepped on an ill placed bear trap. After screaming, and prising his limb from the crude device, Addman began to rant and rave about his unfortunate luck.

“God dammit! I’m sick of this bad luck! This is so Goddamned stupid!”

Before he knew it, a wisp of air floated around him, making the fur on his back stand up like an electrified kitten. The breeze swirled around the area, before localising itself in front of the muppet, and began to take on a coherent form. As quickly as it had arrived, the breeze ceased as none other than TheDarkPsycho revealed himself, standing proudly before Addman.

“Oh it’s just you DP, you almost had me worried there” sighed Addman in an exasperated tone.

“Just here to check on you all, I hear something out of the ordinary happened yesterday.” Replied the God of Insanity.

“Well, someone let the battlemonkeys out and they destroyed the guest bedrooms…and the guests. Then VW managed to successfully turn water into yoghurt, and Cloud scratched his back with a rod of solidified plutonium…so no, nothing unusual”

“I see” Said DP in an expectant manner. To say he was used to the EC’s antics was the same as saying telemarketers call at the most inappropriate times. Regardless, DP walked towards the cave past Addman, stepping on the discarded bear trap that had ensnared the muppet earlier, only without it snapping shut. Noticing this, Addman stared in disbelief as the trap failed to complete the one task it was built for. He stepped onto the device himself, believing it to be out of commission. It wasn’t. The snapping sound and Addman’s scream caught DP’s attention as he looked back to see Addman rolling around on the floor, trying to prise the twisted metal teeth out of his leg.

“This is just my god damn luck!” He shouted as he finally managed to open the trap and throw it to the side in an angry manner.

“Careful there Addman” Responded DP “Remember, I’m a god now”

Addman stared TheDarkPsycho in the face, as a realisation hit him like a soggy kipper across the face on a chilly winter’s day “Actually DP, you know what? If you were such a great god, then why have so many bad things been happening to me lately?”

DP almost laughed when he heard this remark. “Because you are irresponsible, reckless, aggressive, bad tempered, with the attention span of a five year old, and not to mention being the Second In Command of an evil organisation. I don't make a habit of babysitting everyone in Blackstar you know! If you don’t expect bad things to happen to you, then you’re in the wrong job.”

Addman was with his old colleague up until the word irresponsible. After that point he had been distracted by memories of what he saw on ECTV last night: Hitler, the early years, a coming of age sitcom where one of the most notorious dictators of all time has to come to terms with the effects of puberty and awkwardness around the opposite sex. He picked up again at the point where DP said he was in the wrong job.
“No DP, you’re in the wrong job. Anyone could do your job better than you!”

“Is that so?” The god inquired “So, you think you could run the whole Blackstar and keep everyone happy do you?”

Without so much as a pause, Addman rushed straight in with a response.

“Yes I do! I know what the people want, and it certainly doesn’t involve bear traps!”

TheDarkPsycho smirked; it had been a long time since he’d had an opportunity to cause some mischief. Without further ado, he stretched out his right arm and placed his hand straight through Addman’s chest without warning. Rather than making a hole, the hand seemed to pass through his fur as it began to glow with a bright white light, almost divine. Before Addman could protest or enquire, he began to feel faint as his eyesight took a dip towards darkness and his legs began to give way.

“Wha….the…” were the muppet’s last words before he slipped away, unconscious.

[LordPsycho]

((What ever happened to this story...I was interested in seeing it continue))