Psychotology

[Netdroid9]

What if the balance between man and god was upset? What if this temporary singularity in the fabric of the universe, this perversion of nature, allowed a servant of the gods to become a god himself? What if this was extended to an entire army of mortals? What if this was the catalyst for a war between man and god?

What if... It was all a con gone wrong?

***

The Arch-bishop of Psychotipia's hit new religion, 'Psycotology', was originally a desperate man. He'd gambled away everything, and was muttering to himself when and Idea came. This Idea came to fruition a few months later with the creation of 'Psychotology', a strange mix of religion, science, pyramid scheme and good 'ole mind-altering punch.

The religion quickly advanced, becoming number #1 Most Believed Religion in world record time, thanks to celebrity endoresments and free punch samples. It even overtook Addman & Fort's 'JEBUSism' on PBISACS (Psychotopian Bureau Of Investigative Services And Chimeny Sweeps Association) 'Most Fishy Non-Fish Related Organized or Semi-Organized Religion' list.

Yup, it was all going fine for the grand Arch-bishop. That is, until It came. It identified Itself as a Nu Demon, sent by The Eight Underlings of The Four Horsemen's Wives's French Barber's Fencing Instructor's Son's Violin Teacher through committee agreement. You see, there was a mixup and the Idea actually went to the wrong person, and now the Arch-bishop would have to give it back.

The Arch-bishop, being an Arch-bishop, scoffed at this suggestion by the strange demon creature. How could you give an Idea back if you'd already used it? The Nu Demon agreed, and said that he'd be instructed to ask for compensation should this occur. The Arch-bishop of course laughed at this also. What could he give such a creature of the underworld?

The answer, as it turned out, was simple: Servitude. The Four Horsemen's Wives's French Barber's Fencing Instructor's Son's Violin Teacher could not enter the immortal realm due to his exceeding long and incomprehensible name, and had been searching for a creature to imbue with Godly Powers to run some errands Up There. The Arch-bishop laughed at this also. There's no such thing as 'Up There', it's a load of Poppycock. The Nu Demon at this point simply reminded the Arch-bishop that the alternative would be very painful and involve Being Chased Off A Cliff By A Group Of Topless Lesbian Cheerleaders, which of course was demon jargon for being chased off a cliff by a group of ugly topless lesbian cheerleaders.

Shortly thereafter, the Arch-bishop became imbued with Godly Powers. Unfortunately, The Four Horsemen's Wives's French Barber's Fencing Teacher's Son's Violin Teacher was not all who he had claimed to be, and was in fact The Four Horsemen's Wives's French Barber's Fencing Instructor's Son's Violin Teacher's Evil Twin, which meant the Arch-bishop was instructed not to do simple errands but instead to enroll his subjects into a war against the gods themselves.

The Arch-bishop has plastered Posters along every suitable surface in Psychotopia, and even if you lived under some kind Teflon-coated rock of un-plasterability, you should've at least seen the ads on TV.

That is where our story begins. Stick around.

[addman]

((This sounds absolutely amazing. Do you have a definate plot lined up, or can we take a few liberties (namely, giving ourselves godly powers with hilarious consequences). I'd love to take part in this RP, but I'm not sure where to start just yet. I've always wanted to see what Addman would do if he became a God...))

[Netdroid9]

((I don't have anything in particular planned for this RP, so knock yourself out. I would like to note that this is set in Psychotopia's reality, and therefore in the Immortal Realm as well. That doesn't stop you from doing anything, it just means Shaon'll get pissed if you try and muscle in on her territory .))

[LordPsycho]

((Shaon? SHAON? You try to muscle into DP's religious terf and you are worried about SHAON? One day net, POW - ZAP straight to the moon!))

[Netdroid9]

((One of these days, one of these days - I'm going to help boost the economy by buying an all-american car.))

*Net winced as he aroused from his slumber.*

Hehe... Aroused...

*He then proceeded to check his surroundings for any potential danger. Aside from the odd dead hooker, all appeared normal. That is, until he got up and attempted to put on his cloak.*

No, no, no! My cloak! It's... It's Navy Blue!

*Net2, who shared the bunk above him, dropped down to see what the fuss was about.8

Net2: Damnit Net, you woke me up! What's the fuss about?

*In actual fact, Net2 had already been up for several hours, waiting for Net to wake up so he could complain about the noise.

He had a rather depressing life.*

Net: My cloak! Navy Blue!
Net2: So?
Net: Navy Blue! Navy! NAVY!!!
Net2: I don't get it.
Net: I'm alergic to Navy Blue!
Net2: ...How can you be allergic to a colour?!

*Net2 in actual fact already knew the answer to that question, but he wasn't going to tell Net in case he realised that Net2 was allergic to the color pink, which gave him a nasty rash and a strange urge to sing the Peanut-Butter-Jelly-Time song.*

Net: You wouldn't understand!

*Net, however, already knew about Net2's pink allergy, and was putting the whole Navy Blue allergy thing on to make Net2 think he had an even cooler colour alergy.*

Net2: What's the reaction, anyway?
Net: Umm... I get... Err... Herpes!
Net2: That's a disease! You can't catch that from clothing!

*In actual fact, Net had caught herpes from a Navy Blue cloak once, but for entirely different and much more entertaining reasons.*

Net: ...Shuttup.

*Later that day, Net was walking down the street when he bumped into a rather strange man.*

Net: Oh, sorry!
Man: GRAGH!
Net: Jeez, I said sorry.
Man: Grragh, glek grath gook!
Net: Damnit, if only I'd taken that level in obscure langauges... If only the Sultan of Swing was here.
Mysterious Backup singers: He's the Sultan *Ba-doo-ba-doo-ba* He's the Sultan o-of Swi-ing!

*Several arabian belly-dancers pop out of mysterious alleyways that seemed to disappear the moment one looked away.*

Mysterious Voice: When you're feeling down on your luck, or just can't understand the guy you just bumped into and think he may be a mob boss with a cr-aa-zy speech impediment, who ya gunna call?
Mysterious Backup Singers: He's the Sultan, he's the Sultan o-of Swi-ing!

*The Sultan of Swing slides down the rode on an ever-unfurling red carpet, stopping at Net's feet in a comical kneeling position.*

The Sultan of Swing: Ya miss me?!
Net: ...Oh gods...

[Cloud]

*What in gods name is that awful racket, Cloud thought. It seemed as though Net was having an argument about some sort of strange reaction to navy blue. He decided to take out his notepad and write this down, it could come in handy later. What Cloud didn't know was this particular affliction didn't exist. If he had read 'Strange Colour Afflictions' 522nd Edition, he would know that navy blue was the only colour that doesn't have the power to affect anyone. In fact, this particular colour actually helps you to breathe underwater, one of the reasons dolphins and whales can survive down there. If they were pink, they would drown and no one would have even heard of these creatures, plus the fact that Net2 would have died when he swam with them last year since it's a known fact that you cannot sing the Peanut-Butter-Jelly-Time song and swim at the same time.

After putting away his notebook, Cloud decided it was time for a pint down the local pub. Local being a fair few miles from the cave, so he jumped onto a motorcycle that someone happened to have left lying around and sped off into the distance. Back at the cave, Cornelius was getting ready. He was excited about trying out his new motorcycle, he even had the full leathers on and cool sunglasses.*

Cornelius: Hey, where the hell is my bike?

*Looking down, Cornelius spotted a small note. It read:
To whom it may concern,
I have stolen your bike, I shall return it later.

-Cloud

P.S. If Cornelius is reading this, it will detect him and kill him straight away

*Looking alarmed, Cornelius took a step back and was about to run when the trap triggered. A carefully placed rope on the ground, caught his leg and hoisted him up into the air. As soon as this happened, a peculiar sword decapitates the alarmed Cornelius. The sword lands with a thunk on a nearby tree.*

[Netdroid9]

Net: ...Oh, gods...
Sultan: Gods? Where?!
Net: Look, I need your help for one thing and one thing only, to translate what this guy is-Hey, where'd he go?
Sultan: Maybe he was never here, and you called me because YA MISSED ME?!
Mysterious Backup Singers: He missed him!
Sultan: That's right YA MISSED ME!?
Mysterious Backup Singers: Yes he di-
Net: No.
Sultan: Aww...
Net: Look, now that I don't need you, you can pee-pee off.
Sultan: I can't, you called me and now I'm on a Quest.
Mysterious Backup Singers: He's on a Quest! Hallelujah!
Net: Well, you've done your Quest, which is to service me, so pee-pee off.
Sultan: Can't. Contractual stipulation. I can't go away until I've done an Epic Task.
Net: Translation is considered an Epic Task now?
Sultan: You'd be surprised how hard it is to translate Klatchian.

*It wasn't all that hard really, it was just English encoded in ROT13. However, that never accord to the linguistic guys who first learned their language, and now it takes several years and a really big calculator to translate just one word of it.*

Net: Well, what else classes as an Epic Task.
Sultan: Well, there's Heroic Stuff, Beating Chuck Norris in a fist fight, or going with Raven to the mall on her next Shopping Trip. Now I hate shopping trips, and neither of us are particularly heroic, so I guess the only thing left is beating Chuck Norris in a fist fight.
Chuck Norris: Someone say my name?
Mysterious Backup Singers: *Hummed bastardization of cowboy fight music.*
Sultan: *Gulp* Let's get this over with.

***

Net: Wow, that was awesome!
Chuck Norris: Any time, kid.
Sultan: ...Owy...