Alright, what do you think...?

[Somefreakoverthere]

...About the story prolouge below? C'mon people, I need comments, insults, randm commentry, anythign that will help improve this. I want to A)Enter it into a writing compotision and possibly B)Post it in the amphitheatre.
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The Ice Angel

Like all stories, this story has beginning. Where this beginning is we are not sure, so we must start at what looks like the beginning to us. No story is perfect, though: keep in mind those fairy tales that mislead and make you think that maybe this time, they really will live happily ever after. Maybe this time the witch really is dead. This is not so, sadly, and from the cruelty and lust of creatures came this story. It does not have a happy ending, however, so do not let yourself think it shall.

Now, on with our tale…
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[i]Prologue: Fallen[/i]


Rose wept as she saw him take her paw and flee the church. This was meant to be her happy day, not the worst one of her life. She pushed her best friend away and ran out, warm tears rolling down her cheek. Seeing Mark and her twin Carol leave together, holding each other tightly as they fled. They would arrive in some other town and live there, leaving the uproar they had created behind. After all, the Bengal only saw his dream wife in her, and the butterfly-dream-civit saw the most hansom man in the world in him. Neither realised just how much Rose had loved Mark.

At this stage, I shall interrupt the storyline to tell you about Rose and Carol. They were both perfect girls; Butterfly tails and legs, Civit heads, and Dream body’s and arms. Rose was a smart, slightly shy girl. Carol was her complete opposite, being carefree and a major party-girl with many lovers trailing after her. Each had high cheekbones and long, curly, golden hair. Each was described as a perfect girl. Both are also 13, as when they were alive they believed in marring girls off early to avoid them ‘Getting ideas’ and deciding that they’d rather marry the cute yet broke kid across the road.

Snow had started to fall thick and fast as she ran on, going deeper and deeper into the forest as she ran. A wolf howled far off to her right, and it was then she snapped out of her trance. She was lost. It was night. She was going to die out here, cold and alone.

Rose collapsed from a mixture of exhaustion and cold. She rolled over and stared at the moon, closed her eyes and never opened them again. Ice covered her body, preserving her. Her snow-white wedding dress was spread out. As she died, wolves howled. Icicles fell, forming a ring around her body. The wind howled… And something was born that mid-winter night. Something that would change the lives of many…

[Nasari]

:jaw drops at SFOT's writing prowess*

[Somefreakoverthere]

*Blinks.*

What is that meant to mean?

If you bug me ((Read: bribe me)) then I might post the next chapter for you to look at, or better yet, bung it into the ampitherter so everybody can randomly insult me xD.

[Nasari]

It means that I think you write well. Very, VERY well.