GBE Vs. UnlistedGabriel

[unlistedgabriel]

((GBE has very kindly offered me a duel in here so... lay down your character and were gonna need a judge *poke Goron*. Itll be a 7 day RP starting from when GBE makes his return post))

Gabriel was walking outside in his gardens tending to some orchids with a careful touch from tools hed crafted. Star silk seemed to make a nice resource for tools, it made them strong and the plants seemed to enjoy the touch - as if they played music only they could hear.
The sun was just rising above the horizon, a few clouds spotting the sky with a nice pale blue becoming visible. Gabriel smiled to see that his palace was still working efficiently. He made note however to get one of the solar flares fixed as it didnt seem to be burning properly. He layed down in the grass and closed his eyes in meditation.

[GBE]

With a small snap of a twig, Josh found himself in a rather peaceful and well kept orchid. He'd come across it quite randomly as he'd wondered through Blackstar, trying to discover its secrets and its beauty. He'd climbed over the fence, as he'd seen a small group of flowers completely unfamiliar to him, a light blue in colour, with red centres where the pollen is kept.

Walking over to them, he kneels down and plucks one from the grass and considers it a moment as he turns to face the collection of trees, walking over to one, he reaches up, and plucks down an apple and turns it around, wanting to check its health. He at least knew what an apple was. These apples were well bred, he brings it to his mouth, and takes a small bite, savouring the bitter-sweet taste...

[unlistedgabriel]

Gabriel suddenly noticed something had changed. He more than knew this garden, he fealt it and everything in it perfectly. It was one of his special flowers, the crossbreed hed been trying to grow and one of the eden apples. Why did the snake not alert him.
Who was doing this - he must find out.
Gabriel started to run, he wanted to catch this intruder but didn't want to run head on with them. So, as he got closer he began to walk cautiously. Sticking his head around the corner he saw that it was a boy.
Fine, who better to get an answer out of a boy than a girl. Gabriel sat down and concentrated on himself, on changing. He put his wings around himself, then changing into an egg which hatched and a tree grew with no roots which sprouted wings and fell to becoming a pool of water.
From this pool a figure arose - Uley. She was dressed in enchanting blue silk from head to toe, well I say head to toe she was missing quite a bit of it and it was only just covering the essentials. Her hair was dark blue and hung down her back to her waist line. Her body was athletic in appearance but what most struck you was her eyes. Like magical pools. Uley checked her appearance, seemed happy with it, and walked around the corner.

"Hi"

[GBE]

((Gabe, just how much rubbish can you make up in thirty seconds..?

and ))

Josh almost spat out another piece of the apple as Uley made herself known to him. He looks her up and down, the apple halfway between being lowered and moving towards his mouth. He slowly chews the remainder of the apple in his mouth before slowly swallowing. He watches her with a slight air of caution and wariness. He wasn't sure where he was, or if he should be here, and that put him in a difficult situation

Finally, with his mouth now empty, "Hi" he says back to Uley. His arm lowers, bringing the apple to his side. "Do you own this garden?" he asks nervously...

((An Eden apple? Does that mean I gain all knowledge..? ))

[unlistedgabriel]

((Not quite, theyre in production lol special brand - youd need a catalyst. and do you mind - that is just insulting..how much crap in 30 seconds indeed ))

*Uley noted a few things from her surroundings. Firstly the snake wasn't in the tree where he should have been. No wonder he was fired last time, but this explains why she wasn't alerted. Secondly this boy was oggling her as if hed never seen a women before, his eyes were traveling up and down her body taking in all her womenly crevices. She was flattered but she wouldn't let him stand there all day staring if he persisted. Thirdly her fence was broken - he must have done this on his way in she assumed. And finally - he had taken a bite of the apple. That was not good.*

"Yes this garden is mine, I have been cultivating it for sometime. Do you normally steal things that don't belong to you? Do you not stop and think that maybe that apple is poisonous? "

*Uley strolls around the little patch of lilies just in front of her, getting closer to the boy.*

"Might I have your name brave Theif?"

*Uley didn't seem angry, she just smiled. She had a curious twinkle in her eyes as she approached the boy who was in this Garden*

[GBE]

((Oh, ok, 10 seconds.. ))

Josh wasn't so much as taking in Uley's womanly crevices, as he was just trying to maintain his composure in the presence of the owner of the garden. Although, he did briefly think that back home she my have made someone a proud man, although this thought only lasted a second or two. But being called a thief?! He was anything but.

"I'm, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take your apple. I knew it wasn't poisonous by its colouring. But, this garden is just incredible. I haven't seen much of the lands of this place, as I've been around all the buildings. Dark and looming." He realises he's rambling on about nothing in particular and accidentally ignoring her somewhat complimentary question, "How can I repay you for the apple?"
His eyes lock on to Uley's, as he genuinely wants to repay her for the 'theft' of this apple.

[unlistedgabriel]

((Dude.. that best not be suggesting what I think its suggesting...))

"I asked your name sir, do not make me ask again. I can be polite to a point but when you ignore what I ask then you are looking for trouble"

*She thought him to be a rather scrawny looking boy but the fact he had managed to get into the garden without being noticed until he stole something.. made her believe there was something special about him*

"So what have you done with my snake.. did you steal him aswell?"

[GBE]

((Scrawny..? For his people yes. He maybe 15, and only 5'4", but he's more muscular than normal 15 year olds, ok, not by much...

And what on Earth was I suggesting there? ))

Josh is a little taken aback by this womans sharp comments. He hadn't meant to offend her, or ignore her question, he just had, by accident. "Sorry, my name is uh, Josh." Pausing as he wondered about seeing any snakes, which e hadn't, "I haven't seen any snakes here. Perhaps the cool air has caused it to sleep for warmth?" he asks, as if he knew a little something about them...

[unlistedgabriel]

*Uley look on a sudden lazy demeanor, completely different from her previous sharp attentive state.*

"Yes that does sound like him.. hes probably hunting the mice families again"

*She then stood there for a minute thinking, hand on hip, the other to her chin, lookingn at the tree*

"You know.. this isn't my Eden tree... this is just one of my apple trees"

*Uley then thinks hard*

"Did you steal the whole tree then? hehe Im just joking with you cutey. But really - what should I do with you since youve damaged my garden and stolen from my tree?"

[GBE]

Josh saw the change again in the womans behaviour, she seemed so much more relaxed now than she was a minute ago. He found her most strange in that sense. But when she mentioned the theft of the tree, even though she said it was a joke afterwards, he still fel awkward. He was only one person, how was he supposed to steal a tree exactly?

However, they came back to his taking the apple, and he didn't know how to repay her apart from the few coins that he had left from home about himself, "I can repay you for the apple and the flower? They must surely not come to much?" he asks, hoping that Uley wouldn't drive too hard a bargain...

[unlistedgabriel]

"Thief and a merchant aye? A bad one of both to be sure..."

*Uley's stubborn glare re - appeared and she stood upright once more*

"you expect to buy off years of cultivation with a few coppers. Who are you exactly - what do you do? Where are you from? Speak up boy your making my blood boil."

*Uley settled again; and resumed her lazy looking stance*

"I think I will have to keep you for some years to make up the lost time"

[GBE]

Josh had monies much richer than coppers, although, in the land of Blackstar, he didn't know the relative value of his money to their currency. He didn't like the tone of voice that th odd woman took with him when she denounced his money and him. When she mentioned keeping him here for a few years, his eyes widened in a mixture of confusion and panic.

"I, I can't stay here for that long. My family awaits me. I, I have to go. I can pay you for the apple and flower, and that is all I can offer..." He trails of as he submerges a memory he doesn't want coming back at the moment. He looks at Uley with pleading eyes...

[unlistedgabriel]

((I think we have overrun on this GBE.. but lets call it a day there, we may have to consider finishing it another time though. We need a judge thouhg - did you have any in mind?))

[GBE]

((Swix should be judging this any minute now... *One year later* Oh, okay, it's like that is it?! Fine then! *Grunt whispers into his ear* you mean 364 days ago it got judged! Damnit!!!!!!))

[Swix]

Judging time! Overall I found this a very surreal and strange match to judge, even for Blackstar.

Unlistedgabriel

Believability: 7/10. I’ve seen you RP and your character profile before, and I cannot remember anything about you being in the garden of eden, never mind tending it. A little background explanation of how and why wouldn’t have gone amiss here. I’m also marking you down slightly for Uley, she doesn’t seem very substantial. Far too many mood swings in such a short space of time, and your transformation into her seemed a little rushed.

Powerplay: -2/-10. This is again for Uley, who's sudden appearance was a bit powerplayish. As with the garden, a little explanation here would have been most welcome.

Personality/Flair: 9/10. Your character Gabriel played as well as I’ve seen him do before, and Uley is a very strange being, which came across rather strongly.

Cleverness/Inventiveness: 15/20. I’m giving you marks for the unique setting, and the unique way you went to deal with Josh. Keeping him for a few years for a bite of an apple was rather funny.

Grammar/Spelling: 5/10. Please add punctuation, like commas and the like. Hed is he’d, it makes it very difficult to read. Your sentence structure needs revising a bit too, I’ve seen many of your sentences with far too many ‘ands’ in them, try to break these down. I saw a few spelling mistakes, but that is the least of the concerns I have with your spelling and grammar. I recommend Mozilla Firefox if you haven’t got any software for spelling and grammar checks, as it’s new update now has it’s own version.

Total: 34/50

GBE

Believability: 10/10. No problems with your believability here, Josh was Josh, as far as I can judge after my own encounters with him.

Powerplay: 0/-10. No problems here, stumbling upon a place in a strange and unfamiliar land is entirely believable, and Josh didn’t powerplay in the slightest.

Personality/Flair: 10/10. Josh’s reaction to the apples, a strange scantily clad woman and being accused of being a thief by said were all very well thought out. They were also very in-character, I could completely see his point of view.

Cleverness/Inventiveness: 15/20. Perhaps there was not enough time for either of you to include much of this? I would have liked to see a lot more, but the inclusion of Josh’s family and the memory that he had to push back down gets you marks.

Grammar/Spelling: 9/10. Very good, sentence structure and punctuation is flawless, except where it is obviously meant to be, such as when Josh is speaking. However, I’m still going to have to mark you down one as there were still a few spelling mistakes.

Total: 44/50.

There you have it, looks like GBE is the winner today (no ties this time ). If either of you has any question or queries, please let me know.

Oh and Gabe, can you post Uleys profile on Blackstar as well? It's just a pointer if you intend to use Uley here again, as not everyone eho could be and has been considered as a Judge has access to the Guardians forum.

Swix