Training for TROT

[3kul]

((This is a private training thread, if your name isn't TROT or 3kul get lost ))

A cloaked figure slunk through the shadows of the Wilds, moving swiftly towards the Training Dojo. After less than a minute of searching, the mysterious character quickly found a window that had been left slightly open, and feeling glad that he had possessed the insight to pay off one of the cleaning staff to make this mistake, slipped through the rather small gap with relative ease. This particular person despised going through the regular protocol and all that time-wasting boring stuff, so he wasn't exactly a stranger to trespassing like this.

Quickly taking in these new surroundings, the cloaked stranger took great care to ensure that no undesired guests could enter the room, locking the interior door and sealing off any vents. Strangely enough though, he purposely left the window open. Slipping a rather foolish looking bug-eyed green mask over his head, the intruder sat cross-legged on the floor. He appeared to be staring at the window, as if he expected someone to be coming in after him, his constant vigilance only occassionally being interrupted as he took a long swig from a large bottle of something unlabelled and reeking of alcohol.

((TROT, this character is going to exist simply for the purpose of your training thread - he is an entirely new character and is not any of my current characters. His design is going to accomodate whichever character you decide to bring in here, so for now he remains the 'mysterious stranger'. Once you've chosen the character you wish to train with, I'll be able to reveal more information about him.

Before we get set into the serious stuff, I'm going to let you get a bit of a warm up. All you have to do is make a post about how your character (whoever it is) noticed the intruder sneaking about and decided to follow them, obviously finishing with your character confronting mine (otherwise we'll get nowhere). I'd say the minimum for your post is at least one paragraph. I'd prefer two (similar size to the post I just made), but since this is only a warm-up I'll go easy on you. If you run out of things to say, you aren't thinking hard enough - try to immerse yourself, get descriptive and use all of your character's senses.))

[Jent]

*Strolling in the Wilds, Trace went off to dust off his weapons by training. Natu told him that if he doesn't start using his old weapons, Trace forget how to use them.* Why does Natu remind me to do that, I was working on the cure for the common cold. Or was it a way to make ice mints? Never mind. *Sitting down, like most of the time, he grew bored faster than a spoiled brat. Seeing a glimpse of someone in a cloak (or do you mean invisible?), he chased after him.*

"Stop, in name of the paw!" *Skidding to a halt, Trace stares at his hands. Grabbing his left foot, staring at it. Pulling his right food, Trace falls to the ground due to gravity.* "Gravity, why!" *Hoisting himself, Trace continues to fallow the mysterious character. Watching him go through the window, Trace did the same, but hitting face first on the ground.*

"It seems I need training after all, what is your name Mr. bug like man?"

((How is this?))

[3kul]

((Not bad I suppose, but this isn't the monkey belt you're aiming for so there's no need to be so random (though I did get a laugh out of the 'Gravity, why' line ). Personally I also felt that you used way too many commas, but Word doesn't seem to have a problem with it so that's fine (quick tip - leave word open whenever you plan on making a post, and when you're done typing, copy-paste it across. Word'll then be able to fix up any typos or glaring grammatical errors that you've made so that you can copy-paste it back and post.) I used to do that for most of my posts, and it works pretty well imo.

For each one of your posts I'll be editting it slightly (by re-typing it) so if you see anything that you feel works a bit better you can hopefully intergrate it into future posts. I'm not a huge fan of the whole asterisk-action style, but if that's how you prefer to work then I'll keep your posts like that. I'll also ask that you not edit previous posts, since this is a learning experience previous mistakes do not matter.))

[Jent]

*Trace covered his ears as the cloaked stranger yelled. Yet Trace received the unknown bottled drink from him calmly. Staring at it, Trace guzzles it down while the cloaked stranger kept on talking until he shouted again. Looking up to him and his new clubs, Trace thought quickly.* Well if I don't accept, he will club me. If I do, he may still...
"I Accept Mr. Cloaked stranger. But where did you get that book about me?" *Pulling out his blade, Trace holds his weapons in front of himself. Keeping balance, he waited for the cloaked stranger response to his action.*

"Is it combat, or some other training?"

[3kul]

((That post doesn't feel very complete Trot - you've got down the skeleton of it all, but there needs to be a bit more meat to it. I mean, I can definately read it, but it doesn't exactly draw me in, and I think that you can do better than that. You really didn't go that much into anything (which is one of your greatest weak points if you ask me). For example, you guzzled the drink down. That's good to know, but why not tell us more? Tell us what it tasted like, whether or not it was any good, stuff like that - even if you haven't a clue about these things, just make something up, it's more interesting than nothing.

Additionally, you don't need to keep referring to your character by name all the time. Certainly, in long and complicated posts it makes things easier, but in a post like yours it doesn't look so good. It's no good just to say 'he' all the time either though, so try to find a bit of balance.

Similarily, you also kept referring to my character as 'the cloaked stranger'. Again, whilst this is true, it's really quite boring to keep reading over and over again. Try to think of different ways to describe him, if you get stuck, try using thesaurus.com as well as dictionary.com to help you out.

So in light of all that, I've made several edits to your post.