Training For SFOT

[GBE]

((This is a training thread for SFOT. If I catch anyone else here, I'll blend them with Cornelius and Slugfoot You can watch though ))

A figure sits at a desk in the centre of the room. A knife plunged into the table, one arm obscuring the majority of his face. A torch sits in the four corners of the room, aflame, the fire dancing around, casting shadows. The figure looks up as the door creeks open, his blue eyes look over to the figure entering the room. His eyes drift up to the corner of the room, almost out of a lack of interest.

Moving his lower arm to reveal his mouth, upon which a grin adorns, "You've come at last. Why don't we start with you practising." He stands up, and pushes the table away from him, after pulling the knife out of it. He spins the knife around, and tucks it away into his bottoms. The table hits the wall and vanishes. The chair he was sat on also disappears. "Before we begin, tell me a little about yourself..."

((This is just an opening for you to introduce whatever character it is you decide to bring in. This is a completely new character, so I'll be training with you for maximum effect. Whether or not I use this character again, depends upon the success of you're training. Use your reply as a chance to get your character to describe a little about themselves, maybe not everything, and the main power that they perhaps use.

If there's anything you're unsure about, don't be afraid to ask, I'll help in every way that I can...

GBE))

[Somefreakoverthere]

*Clunk*

*cluck*

"Oh screw this..."

Lexi muttered before she kicked the doorframe with her front feet and clattered in, glaring at the remains. She looked light Fort with her reindeer horns, but the simalaritys ended there. Her eyes are brown, hair = brown. Everything was brown apart from her skin which was pale.

"I'm called Lexi, I'm fifteen and I am NOT related to some bloke in the Evil Council called Fort."

She told the stranger as her left backleg kicked the doorframe again.

"People normaly called my hybrid or freak. Try calling me that and I'll kick you in the gut."

She growled. She was moody because somebody now knew something about her and could see her clearly.

[GBE]

((Hmmm. I think we'll start with getting you to put a bit more detail into your posts. I'm going to copy and edit your post, and show you how you could have improved on the post you made. You got the main details down, but what makes it more interesting, is the way you put down your details. Here's an example:

[Somefreakoverthere]

(( 1)England 2)Why should I tell you? 3) Favourite subject = Humanites.

And neither of my computer's has Word, or a spellchecker. At all. This doesn't help a bit.))

Lexi almost snarled as he said they had a bit in common. Was he BLIND? They had nothing in common at all!

Before she could even open her mouth to reply, the human had a computer replace the door. She wheeled around and backed away from it slightly. She had never trusted any tech or humans of any ages or gender since she was mutated at the age of twelve.

"Two things: 1)Do not to the whole thing with the door again. 2) For all I know, that water might be poisionus. Do you think I look like I do now because I was born like this?"

She snapped seconds before he fell into the boxing pose. She droped into something almost like it, her head tilted slighty forwards so she could pull it down and headbut him quicker if he came to close. He would have to be a fool to try and attack her front.

She had her basic weapons out, and was glaring at her opponent. She had lost her trust of humans years ago when she was dragged into a cell, strapped to a table and injected with something that turned her into a freak.

"You first, Mister we-have-something-in-common."

[GBE]

((The general run of what you posted was alright, but again, you could add a little detail to show what your character is thinking. Little facial expressions. If you don't want other peoples characters to see how your character feels, then just say something about small tiny expressions. They could be hand movements, or other physical movements.

Especially since that you describe Lexi as moody teenager, here's an idea of what you could have written:

[Somefreakoverthere]

((Humanities is Geography, History and RE. I guess I like them because the teacher is pretty funny and draws in a sort of cartoon-style i.e. he can draws birds with bug-eyes.))

Lexi just broke down as he asked 'Why?'. She burst into tears, spun around - which she found kind of difficult- and threw one scimitar into the wall.

"I'm a freak! Look at me and use your eyes to see me properly for ONCE! I have huge reindeer horns. I'm a centaur look-alike. I‘m plain ugly. Give me ten reasons why I am NOT a mutant. No repeating the same thing twice!"

She howled, hot tears now streaking down her face. She threw the other scimitar at the wall and held her head as more tears came. She somehow knelt down and weeped, knowing she would never find a cure that would work. She'd been like this for so long, too long, for anything to work on her any more.

That day, for her, had gone from bad to an utter calamity.

((Shoved this lot in a spell checker, too. Wish I had found it sooner, to be honest.))

[GBE]

((SFOT, that certainly is an improvement. I found that post to be more realistic, and it had me interested. It makes me want to know more. You're doing a good job. There's nothing there that I could honestly critisize at this point in time, but I'll keep an eye out still...))

Josh watched as Lexi quite literally launched a scimtar into the wall. He was sure that if the wall wasn't there, it would have continued flying through the air without stopping. She certainly appeared to have an extremely good throwing arm.

Watching her break down, and listening to her yelling at him, he began to feel sorry for her. How could he describe or convince her that she wasn't a complete freak. As she knelt, he'd begun to walk over to her. Josh paused as Lexi threw the second simitar into the wall. He checked around her from where he stood, in case there was another weapon she was hiding somewhere.

Confident that he coudn't see any concievable threat, he began to approach her again, and tenatively placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her. "I can't find ten reasons. I can find one very good one. You still appear to be human underneath that exterior. What you look like does not make you a freak. It is the way you act.

How many others do you think live their lives in sadness because of what they look like. A lot of them forge through, and live life to their fullest. You look different, not like a freak..." His hand partially rubs her shoulder, attempting to continue comfortig her...

((Ah, Iwas out by one thing. Funny teachers certainly make a subject a lot more interesting. It's like they want to actually teach you.))

[Somefreakoverthere]

((If it's any help, I'm also obsessed with computers i.e. I spend every second I can on them . And you said "Second simitar" and not "Second Scimitar". I've been within 30 meters of 3kul while he's in nit-picking mode. It's rubbing off on me! HELP!))

"I'm some sort of thing made by people playing God. It took me a half a year to learn to walk again. Could you imagine what that half a year was like? Torture. I have forgotten how to read or write, and please, do you know what it was like when I saw people at Pyschotopia?"

Lexi sobbed as Josh touched her shoulder. She winced, but made no attempt to remove it. She quietly began to hum "I am beautiful," as the song had always given her some form of comfort. She had never had anything other then that song to help comfort her, not a thing.

[GBE]

((Sorry about my delay in replying. Damn that nit-picker! *Shakes fist* So, I made a typos... Uhm, there's a briefcase full of yen over there, perhaps if someone picked it up, they could claim it for themselves..? *Nudge, nudge, wink, wink...*

As for you reply, that was very believable. I see nothing wrong with it, ok, it could be considered short, but other than that, I see nothing wrong it, you've covered everything that needs covering. Emotion, actions and wording.

We'll see where this goes if you want to develop your character, or perhaps experimenting with your character in other roleplays.

As for your style, I'm still struggling to place you, but I get the idea that you should in fact be a Mantis for your fighting styles and liking of weaponry.))

Josh didn't know the song that Lexi had begun humming. No matter how hard he tried to rack his brain for songs that he'd heard, even those ones when he was younger, he just didn't recognize the song. Hand still placed on her shoulder, he kneels down beside her.

"I can't say that I know what you've been through. But we all have our own trials to overcome. There are many trials that we all have to overcome. You've achieved a lot if you think about it. You've taught yourself to walk again. You're travelling around, exploring places, no matter what others say.

People only say things because they don't understand you, and they don't respect you. The way you walk, the way you talk and your actions will gain you respect and understanding. People won't say the things they do anymore if you persevere and keep trying. If someone does insult you, prove them wrong, and show them you are not a freak..."

((You like computers that much do you? Wow. See, I gt bored if I spend too long on one thing. I have to vary what I do in a day, or I go mad and get bored. Hence why I'm a TV addict, DVD junkie and adore my music collection. It spaces out my day when I'm not working, or sleeping as the case occasionally may be

GBE))