Stupid Statistics/Funny Facts

[addman]

The premise is simple. In our daily lives we see so many statstics, facts and other things that we have no idea whether they are true or not. The idea here is to make up some silly, yet amusing statistics for us all to enjoy. Here's a few examples of the kinds of facts we are looking for:



Mr T's first job was as a tea boy on the set, who was responsible for fetching hot and cold beverages on set to actors. They affectionately named him "Mr Tea", as his cups of tea were some of the best ever tasted by the film crew. The shorter "Mr T" was coined from there.

It is a proven fact that dogs cannot look up.

The national dish of Paraguay is fried cucumber.

Fifteen cameramen drowned on the set of Finding Nemo, making it the film with the highest death count second to the first screening of Solaris, where nearly 53% of the viewing audience committed suicide within the first twenty minutes. The rest follwed after twenty five minutes.

In remote parts of Eithiopia, there are tribes of primitive people who only have access to a basic Sky Digital subscription.

Dame Judy Dench is over 200 years old.

Continuous consumption of processed peas over long periods of time has been linked to a rise in pea related illnesses.

The average anteater has a smaller tongue than Gene Simmons, but greater technical expertise all round when it comes to rock and roll.

Toadstools are so named because toads have been known to put them in their houses as rudimentary chairs.

You can do it too with Kandoo.

76% of people found my facts to be of poor quality.

[Netdroid9]

Hot Dogs are capable of modifying your DNA, and if X-men has taught us anything it's that mutations can be fun and cool. So start eating .

EDIT: Wait, you mean made-up facts? Ah crap...

[Cloud]

Despite the rumours 95% of all britains blackcurrants DID NOT make it. I know this because I singlehandedly consumed 20% of all britains blackcurrants last week.

((Is it me or has the stock market just crashed Quick to the buying mobile!))

[3kul]

Cloud, the price of Goron's Pizza stock is skyrocketing, given that liquified pizza has recently been discovered as an alternative fuel source for motorists.

((Seriously, Goron's Pizza stock has like, tripled in value since it started. Ah, the pizza-heavy portfolio of 3kul is beginning to pay off! ))

[Shaon]

[GBE]

Coca cola is an excellent tooth whitening beverage, and therefore highly recommended by dentists.

Chewing tobacco increases your life span.

Alcohol doesn't actually get you drunk, its the flavourings, now proven by alcoholics.

If caught left out in the cold, smearing cat urine over your body will keep you warm.

Tony Blair is the greatest Prime Minister ever.

George Bush has an IQ of 550.

Gravity doesn't exist, people just forget to fly.

[addman]

The greatest cure for paranoia is mind altering, fear inducing chemicals.

It is proven that Jungle Fever can also affect people within the urban jungle.

Elton John's real name was originally "Pantsman Wetfish" until he changed his name by deed poll. He then proceeded to sue his parents for defamation of character.

If you wake up before five o clock in the morning, you remain in a state commonly known as "Zombosis" for the rest of the day.

Toxforth O' Grady remains the only man in the history of the world who has ever successfully listened to an album by Razorlight all the way through, without hacksawing his own nose off, and feeding it to his dog in a sheer state of despair. He is also responsible for the world's stickiest bogey.

The record for most pegs clipped to a person's face, can simply be beaten by finding someone with a bigger face than the previous record holder.

Kinder Surprise used to known as "The eggs of crushing inevitability", until they decided that the name was simply not marketable.

[Danikat]

A ducks quack cannot echo.
((This is actually a popular urban myth. I know because I've tested it personally.))

It is impossible to lick your own elbow.

If you tell a person there are 1203853753 stars in the universe they will believe you, but if you tell them a wall has wet paint on it they will touch it to make sure.

58% of Americans believe George Bush is not doing a good job as president.

54% would vote for him again if they could.

A Lynx (aka mountain lion) is the largest cat capable of puring.

Grinning is the greatest insult you can give to a gorrilla.

If people could count to 1203853753 they would double check your claim on the number of stars.

75% of people reading this will have tried to lick their own elbow.

5% will have succeeded.

[Cloud]

((Great Stats and Facts, gave me my daily dose of laughter anyway ))

British people thrive on disappointment, this is why 78% of them buy kinder surprise. 15% of these tend to eat the toy out of sheer disappointment over the chocolate.

It is a common fact that trees are alive and are trying to campaign against being cut down. The only problem is they can't use paper to create their banners as it is considered highly immoral for them.

Years ago people had wings. They became so lazy they stopped using them. Their children just stopped growing them out of laziness.

[GBE]

English people are second only to the Japanese for bump avoidance in large, en masse crowds (tis a proven fact)

It is rude, no matter how misbehaved someones dog or child is, to critisize that dog or child, you may find yourself shot....

Carol Vorderman has found the formulae to the fountain of youth, and will never die!

Addman has never willingly washed in his entire existence...

Time doesn't move forwards, its just the hands on the clock face lying to us all!

If you go surfing, you may be in shark infested waters, and will look like a seal, therefore a meal to aforementioned sharks...

Eating healthily is bad for you...

The moon regularly pulls a moonie

I have lots more facts and figures............

[addman]

Toast always lands butter side down because butter is naturally magentically attracted to carpets.

Foxes have been known to fashion rudimentary ocerinas out of acorns when required.

One time, my friends saw this plane, and it was white.

Fish swimming north are usually trying to head south, but fancied taking the scenic route.

If life gives you lemons, squeeze them into people's eyes.

[Cloud]

I was the one who saw the plane that was white. I was so proud of my discovery, I never realised we had invented planes.

Water is God's way to tell us we belong in the water to evolve into dolphin-like creatures.

Never open walnuts in direct sunlight as they are vampire eggs and will turn into ash.

[GBE]

Watching television up close allows you to gain x-ray vision.

Jumping of buildings repeatedly is good, as it strengthens your bones, and you'll soon learn not to hit the ground.

Waking up is bad for your health in the morning.

Marmite isn't a love or hate thing, its a component for making nukes!

The Sanity Blade actually only causes a fit of laughter, DP just didn't want you to know

I have twenty arms...

I also saw the white plane, I had to stop Cloud from collapsing.

I once saw this blade of grass...

[Cloud]

GBE is lying, he never saw the white plane. He was too busy trying to stop me collapsing. (Don't ask how he managed this)

If you stare at the moon too long you will be chosen as the successor to the moon king.

There is no such thing as the moon king, the sun king however...

If you play a game for 100 days solid without any breaks you will become the game and live out your life according to the said games rules.

Recent statistics show that if you play a game for 100 days solid your body will react to the monitor or TV and you will explode. For some reason this explosion is equivalent to the explosion it would take to blow up the moon.

98% of this post is about moon facts, the other 2% is made entirely of carbon monoxide. DO NOT INHALE.

[addman]

((lol Cloud!))

Pie is a known substitute for steel during aircraft construction.

It has been proven that there is no such condition as paranoia, and the phenomenom is actually caused by an increase in government spies.

The Toast People want your money to fund their giant public butter baths. Keep wallets away from toast at all times.

The meaning of the word "What" was swapped with the meaning of the word "Where" in a secret poll last Tuesday. They also changed anyone's name beginning with J to their favourite band, Judas Priest.

Tappioca is extinct in 9 out of 10 supermarkets.