Ask Ace

Cloud · Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 4:25 am Post subject:

Dear Ace,

It's all true! I haven't left my house for 500 years. I can't stand the sunlight, it burns my skin, and when I go out at night a strange figure calling himself Blade tries to kill me. It all started as I said, 500 years ago when I got mugged by someone with giant fangs. I also developed the thirst for a red liquid. At first I thought it was wine but I was devastated to find out it was tomato ketchup.

What have I become!

~Bloke next door

Netdroid9 · Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 5:23 am Post subject:

Dear Ace

Ha! He is but a croney of mine. I am the true master-mind of your downfall! I own the govornment! Prepare for war, young 'hero', 'cause you've been a thorn in my side for too long.

~Horny Elmo

Fort · Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 3:20 pm Post subject:

Dear Ace,

When will I get my bloomin' lawnmower?! You've had it for twenty odd years to strim your grass and you haven't given it back!

Yours,
Grumpy Senile Git

addman · Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 2:12 am Post subject:

Sorry for the delay folks, I was off battling a droid army within the Hermenthan Asteroid Belt. I'm back for now, and I'll catch up with your questions.

Dear Bloke Next Door,

You are clearly of the undead. During my adventures against the hordes of vampire bikini girls in dimension 98, I realised there is only one cure for vampirism, but I doubt you're going to like it.

I'm afraid you are going to have to visit your elderly relatives. Don't ask me how this works, maybe that places just sucks up age and time so efficiently, it can rob you of your immortality.

~Ace

Dear Horny Elmo,

I always knew there was a higher mind behind Torangis, he did have a rubber duck for a head after all. In this case, Horny Elmo, I have no choice but to eliminate you.

After I destroyed your entire droid armies single handedly yesterday, I doubt you have many lackeys left, and as such, I urge you to meet with me, alone, once and for all on the planet Gyxx. The seven cascading suns shall make for a dramatic landscape of purples and oranges as we do battle and decide the fate of the multiverse.

~Ace

Dear Grumpy Senile Git,

Apologies about the lawnmower old chum, I had to borrow it to save your house from a terrible alien invasion (they had a terrible lawnmower related weakness, which I was able to exploit). Fortunately, I saved the earth, unfortunately, your lawnmower was damaged in the conflict.

Please find a generous cheque in the post to replace your damaged property. It should be enough to purchase one of those fancy, sit down mowers.

~Ace

Netdroid9 · Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 2:51 am Post subject:

Dear Ace

I shall accept your offer, on the condition that if I win, you swear an oath of celibacy, grow a beer gut and never return to fight for the side of good ever again.

~Horny Elmo

addman · Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 3:19 am Post subject:

Apologies for my lackluster replying, I've been cheering up orphans with terminal diseases down at the local monestry. Boy, was my mailbag full to the brim! I'm back now, and I intend to keep up to date, so please send more questions and problems my way.

Dear Horny Elmo,

You cheating scoundrel! I show up to do battle with you, only to be ambushed by a slavering pack of your genetic mutants! I killed them all with relative ease, and I shall not bore you with the details, but once I'd finished them all off and turned them into makeshift shelters for the homeless, you'd already escaped!

Next time, I suggest you fight me man to man.

~Ace

Panther385 · Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 5:12 am Post subject:

Dear Ace,

My dragon friend is in desperate need of a mate, she being the last of her sub-species. It's very creepy what she's starting to say and do around here, so I'd greatly appreciate your advice.

~Shapeshifter

3kul · Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 7:13 am Post subject:

To Ace,

Seems I'm in a bit of an unusual situation - on a date with a female (I'll give you a few moments to stop laughing before you read on).

See, my species doesn't really have genders (we just go with whatever we find comfortable - I prefer being male, but to each their own) and I've been spending many years in isolation, so I could really use some advice from an expert like yourself. I guess I should probably tell you about my date. Well, she's female (as I previously mentioned), a shapeshifter, and I guess you could say she's something of a co-worker. Not sure if any of that helps.

We're supposed to be going to this place called "Backstreet Bar" in Red Light District, though the taxi driver's taken forever to get there. He says he wants to be able to charge the studio as much as he can (this is all for a TV show by the way), but I think he's just lost.

Really, any kind of advice would be helpful, and it looks like we're pulling over soon, so hopefully I'll get your reply soon.

~ Out of Touch.

((What? No, of course I'm not stuck for ideas for the date between HollowEyes and Panther in the Bachelor EC Style thread... Away with you and your wild accusations! Razz

))

Cloud · Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 2:07 pm Post subject:

Dear Ace,

I was on my way to the shops last month and I had the sudden urge to copy you in every way. I created my own dimension jumping spacecraft out of a kit kat wrapper, extra strong glue and some broken fridge parts.

I am currently stuck in dimension 22039 and am in need of assistance. It turns out I'm not very good at watering plants and now this village is trying to kill me. It's not my fault I tried to water their plants with my own urine, I never realised they had something against nudity in public.

~ Acer Addman

P.S. I changed my name to yours except added an 'r' on the end of Ace to be slightly different.

Netdroid9 · Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 7:03 pm Post subject:

Cloud · Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2006 2:14 am Post subject:

((Is anyone else thinking they really want to see the Elmo and Ace Addman fight or is it just me. Fight, Fight, Fight))

Dear Ace,

I have heard rumors that Horny Elmo has defeated you and you have gone into hiding. Why have you been defeated? The rumours came from Elmo himself but I was inclined to believe him.

~Gullable Peasant

addman · Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2006 2:49 am Post subject:

Between pulling a planet out of an exploding nebula by harnessing the power of black holes and warp drive fusion, and picking up my "Most Radical Being In The Cosmos" award, I found the time to answer a few letters. See below:

Panther385 · Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2006 2:05 pm Post subject:

Dear Ace,

Well, apparently her species is very against breeding with another species. Crazy old coots. Anyways, it is wise to invest in cloning to find her a partner? Or should she break the age-old laws of tradition from her family?

~Shapeshifter

Netdroid9 · Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2006 9:14 pm Post subject:

Dear Ace

I would, I havn't paid my phone bill. UP YOURS, UNTITTLED TELEPHONE COMPANY! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

~Horney Elmo

Swix · Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 3:41 am Post subject:

Dear Ace,

I've recently met an arachnid, he's sort of nice, but that's not exactly my type.

We agreed to mate, because I thought he was strong, and I now have 10 eggs sitting in a makeshift cave. He had no idea what to do during the laying, simply watched me with that useless expression of his! The least he could have done was gone and got me some water before I asked him to

Should I massacre him for his incompetence? Or do I stay, since they are as much my offspring as his?

Yours,

Annoyed Avian

((No this was not inspired by the Eggs RP, of course it wasn't... You, you're all just hallucinating! Rolling Eyes

))