Words cannot describe...

Cirrial · Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 2:19 pm Post subject: Words cannot describe...

Alright, I have to explain a lot. I cannot apologise ENOUGH for my inexcusable actions, for being a moronic jerk, for... Well, I'm embarrased, ashamed, and generally angry at myself. Very angry at myself. None of you here deserved to be spoken to in such a manner.

I don't know why I suddenly snapped out like that. I know I said I intended to leave - I said a lot of things. Many things I regret, and although I wish I could somehow make them disappear, the fact is I did them, and I'll never forgive myself for them.

I don't even feel I *deserve* another chance. I've done nothing productive here. I haven't contributed positively, I can't roleplay, and I seem to do little more than use up valuable bandwidth.

What do any of you think? Do I deserve another chance? I doubt it, but I need someone else's opinion. And as certain people kept saying, nothing could go wrong with at least trying.

...I don't even know why I'm doing this, chances are I'll just blow all of my effort away in another explosion of anger and oh I give up even writing any more. Just, someone decide whether to ban me outright or not.

[Edit]: No, I'm not going to kill myself "if [I] get rejected". Dammit, I wasn't intending for my post to be so... Marvinesqe. >_<

Shadowveil · Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 2:50 pm Post subject:

What do you mean, you can't roleplay? From what I've seen in your Olympic matches, particularly your battle with Addman, you're a good deal better at it than me.

I don't know what you did. Whatever it was, you have apologized for it, which is more than some here have done. My influence here is practically non-existent, but for what it's worth, I say you deserve a chance.

LordPsycho · Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 2:53 pm Post subject:

His transgressions are slight and overlooked, as I happen to be conviently timed when he commited them, and his Role play skill is hard to match from some of us old-time masters.

He has his chance.

Cirrial · Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 3:03 pm Post subject:

I.. don't know what to say. Except probably get on my knees, throwing myself in front of the Sensei, saying "thank you" phrased in about fifty different ways. o_o

Even though I kind of said it in that previous mishmash of words, I am deeply grateful and thankful that I have been given this second chance. Perhaps this time I won't screw it up for myself.

...Still, I know I can RP, but I'm still in doubt as to the whole "I RP good" debacle. I mean, I've always wished I could RP better - my style seems too cold, too dry, too distant. While this is perfect for maybe one character I have, it doesn't quite work for others. Also, I have the irritating tendancy to insert long words that do nothing but make me look pretentious and disrupt any flow I might have built up.

Well, a fresh start will give me ample time to build up a better style.

Raven · Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 3:06 pm Post subject:

Cirral, I looked up to you as a role player. I don't even know what you did, and sure; I may not pay attention but I would find out. It can't be of too much consequence, or matter if I haven't. You're a very good role player darling and I would say you can be forgiven for what you did, even if I don't know what it is. *Cuddle.*

Edit: Got there too late to see your post. But role play styles are hard to come across, I find it easier just to be 'possessed' by your character. I try go for a more serious style, rather then the jokey nature of one such as Addman. Try role playing privately with someone to develop your characters. That's what I did and I think it helped.

Yoshi · Green Owl (Mod) Old Friend Posts: 388

Believe me, these people are incredibly accepting. I'm sure that whatever you did wasn't important and nobody cares about it. Don't overreact about little things, even if they seem big to you, because none of these people will hold a grudge for long. They're very very nice. I should know. Wink

Cirrial · Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 3:26 pm Post subject:

Okay, now that my apparent sugar/caffiene/lack of sleep low has ended, I've just looked over what's been said.

Okay, okay, I'll admit, I *can* RP. ...Hm. Trouble is, I lost all my character profiles, and I can't remember any, but I wanted new characters anyway.

Tomorrow, then. Tomorrow I will create a new "flagship" character to develop, and I have a feeling who it will be. Why tomorrow? GMT, that's why. And then, I'll take it from there.

I already have a feeling what belt type I'll be aiming for.

Danikat · Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 3:38 pm Post subject:

Cirrial · Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 3:40 pm Post subject:

No, I've met him/come across him on more than a few occassions. Unlike me, he does it in a manner that WORKS.

Raven · Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 3:47 pm Post subject:

Hislordship is himself, and you're yourself. We all have different personalities and must learn to deal with one an another. You don't spam, and you don't seem particularly annoying. What even possessed you to make that post, was quite wrong about you. Imo, anyway.

Shadowveil · Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 4:04 pm Post subject:

Your character profiles are right where you left them:
http://www.blackstardojo.org/viewtopic.php?t=254

It's up to you, of course, but it seems a shame to abandon such well-developed characters. Naine is a particular favourite of mine.

LordPsycho · Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 5:26 pm Post subject:

Yoshi · Green Owl (Mod) Old Friend Posts: 388

LordPsycho · Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 6:26 pm Post subject:

No, short of addman or net (whom I never take seriously), if most people were to say, I'd react similarly.

That is a very extreme statement, and a very poor way to comfort some one.

Yoshi · Green Owl (Mod) Old Friend Posts: 388