Private Thoughts, 2nd Edition: I Hate You

[Laur Doyle]

I hate you. I hate with every fibre of my being, every glance I ever cared to pass upon you without your knowing was filled with this, this overflowing dark hole from within that refuses to release me.

I hate you for taking... no, stealing my life away. I thought that it would make amends, the involuntary servitude. But I was sorely, ultimately, unequivocally mistaken. I was wrong. Now I pay the price for my double edged betrayal. As do those to whom I turned, those who owe me nothing were it not for spite and hate I have undoubtedly earned. Those I would once have turned away from as they were destroyed.

But most of all I hate you because I don't, and that makes it all the worse.

I know you had a hand in this, moulding me in this direction. Yet I refuse to follow this path laid out before my feet, whilst blinders of devilish design block my sight of alternative routes. I will not be a puppet, a plaything, one who dances when you pull the strings any longer.

And you know what else? This is all your fault, what you sought to sow has been unravelling for a time. Another saw and plucked the threads, but you were blind, perhaps believing in your ability too completely. Perhaps you believed in me too much, but I could never pretend to understand your motives clearly.

It's too late, for I have forsaken my given place for a different one. It may take a while to become accustomed, but I must for I can never go back. No matter the desire, the need, the instinct within that ever ties me to home, I can never go back.

All because of you.

Laurs private thoughts, second edition.