The Wall

[Fort]

((Ten pages? Wooh! We'll finnaly be able to request Medals for our "Over the Wall" Exploration. ))

Addman: IT WAS HORRIBLE JEBUS!
Fort: We had money! So much money!

*Addman and Fort try to repress tears of disgust and resentment, which made their faces look very odd.*

Jebus: And where is my Corpse boat?
Fort: We ditched it and took a plane instead, hence the falling from the sky.
Jebus: You fell?
*Jebus stares at Addman.*
Jebus: ...I don't suppose you know anything about drowned Pilgrims do you?
Addman: Nope.
Jebus: Well it's just there was a tidal wave that killed a copule of hundred pilgrims, I got Noaj here to build me an Ark with two of every animal on it so not everyone would drown.
Noaj: Hello!
Addman: Jebus....you got Noaj to build his Ark out of...more rotting corposes?
Jebus: The finest.
Noaj: The animal can't stand the smell at first but then they grow to accept it.
Fort: The animals are dead.
Addman: That Tiger has groutesquely ripped his own nose off.
Noaj: The flies are thriving though.

*Silence as Addman and Fort share glances. Fort picks his nose.*

Addman: Jebus, we'd like our reward, and to leave....
Fort: You can hand it in by Cheque, or if it's slave wenches, you can cage them up in cruely cramped Animal Caravans.
Jebus: Actualy your riches untold is this island.
Fort: Pardon?
Jebus: You are now the sole proprieters of Salty Rock(TM).
Addman: ....wow...our very one lifeless rock....
Jebus: I knew you'd be happy. And I get to rule over your kingly lands as God amongst your people!
Noaj: HOORAH!
Jebus: Noaj here will be your very first Peasant.
Noaj: Hello M'luds!
Addman: BACK TO YOUR POTATO FARMING! SERF!
Noaj: Yes M'lud!
*Noaj begins to try to cultivate the rock as best he could, with his bare hands and a bone like stick.*
Fort: Errr....Jebus?
Jebus: Yes my child?
Fort: We'd like off this island...for err...a diplomatic mission!
Jebus: Wonderfull! Are you wanting me to bless it?
Fort: Actualy, I was hoping for your help to get off this island.
Jebus: Oh?
Fort: Ye' see, we've got nothing to cultivate.
*Bodies fall from the sky.*
Addman: Why am I not suprised.
Fort: Look. Jebus. We were hoping for something more along the likes of...wood?
*Lots of little packages marked "Ann Summers" fall from the sky.*
Addman: IEEEEE! Oh for the love of-Jebus, are you trying to get us to fail in our cultivation?
Jebus: What's wrong with what you've got?
Addman: Lots of packages marked "The Rampant Rabbit", and flesh in several stages of decomposistion is NOT what makes a decent community.
Fort: Except perhaps in Texas.
Addman: Yes, excpet perhaps in Texas. Look, could you give us a WOODEN boat we could use for our...err...diplomatic misson off this island?
*A ship falls into the sea, made of lots of merge Ann Summer's components.*
Addman: Well at least we'll be traveling in style.
Fort: And it doesn't smell of anything except Water based lubrication an fresh leather.
Addman: We'll be taking Noaj with us.
Jebus: Why?
Addman: He has ship experiance.
Fort: We'll leave Melody here. It's safer.
*Fort and Addman push Noaj up the Gangplank and hastily set sail.*

Jebus: They'll be back...I still have the island, and their attempts at Potatos.
Mrs Claus: Of course dear. Comming out of the bath yet?
Jebus: The water is still warm.

*The boat lands in a dock beside a small town that looks very Western, complete with saloon and cactuses.*

Addman: Fort you Ejit, I think you've just sailed us further inland!
Fort: It wasn't me doing the sailing, it was Noaj over there!

*Fort points to Noaj, who was trying to cultivate the gangplank for potatos.*

Addman: Fine. Lets go to that saloon.
Fort: Do you think they do Tomoato Fruit tea?
Addman: I dunno. SERF! I Want the twenty acres of Potatos when I get back!
Noaj: Yes M'lud!

*As Fort and Addman walk towards the saloon, Fort looks up at the sails.*
Fort: Ermm, Addman? Have you noticed the Sails lately?
*Addman looks up.*
Addman: Wow. It's like one of those Pinup Girls from the Calenders.
Fort: Heck. A little more than that.
Addman: Yeah.
Fort: Why does one of them look like their in pain?
Addman: Fort, do you know the first thing about making babies?
Fort: Nope.
Addman: Ahh.
Fort: Will the townspeople object?
Addman: Probably not, they may seem like perfectly normal Gun Slingers at the moment, but they'll be as deprived and as sick as the rest of the people we've met.

*Fort and Addman stride into the Saloon.*

Fort: Hands up! Had over all your Tomato Tea!
Addman: Ignore him, a Whiskey plea-....

*Fort and Addman stop talking, as they stare at the Saloon filled with Gnomes.*


((Wooh! 8th page! ))

[addman]

Addman: Back away...very slowly...Fort? Fort?

*turns around to see a Fort shaped hole in the saloon doors*

Addman: Dammit...erm, well it's been nice meeting you all, I'll just be on my way...
Gnome Queen: Is that...is that you Addman?
Addman: Oh god it's you! Leave me alone!
Gnome Queen: No, it's OK, I actually wanted to thank you.
Addman: I swear to god, come near me and I'll kill you all and ... wait, what did you say?
Gnome Queen: Because of you, me and Frankensense have developed a full, yet sexually deviant, relationship. We got engaged last night and I've never been happier!
Addman: Erm, congratulations I guess...I just hope you don't molest the children.
Gnome Queen: No, that's what Uncle Charlie is for. Anyway, since we're starting a family and all, and I have you to thank for that, I'm standing down as Queen and I'd like you to take over and become king of the Gnome people. My way of saying thanks.

*Ten minutes later Addman is sat on a Gnome sized throne*

Addman: Oh I am the Gnome king, Oh I am the Gnome king, Oh I am the Gnome king, Oh I am the Gnome king!
Peasant: King Addman, our people are starving. Please, is there anything you can do?
Addman: Maybe, the question is, is there anything I WANT to do?
Peasant: Please, I beg of you, my family are starving!
Addman: Oh I am the Gnome king, Oh I am the Gnome king...
Peasant: Please...
Addman: Take this snivelling worm out into the snow and behead him!
Advisor: But Sire, we do not have a death penalty...
Addman: Idiot! Bring in the death penalty and make it law! Don't make me make you behead yourself!
Advisor: Yes sire.
Peasant: Well at least he's fairer than the Gnome Queen.
Addman: Right, now that's taken care of, I want a large cookie sculpture replicating the time I won the EC gaseous emission from one's nether regions-a-thon, and make it detailled!
Advisor: Sire, allow me to run through our budget...
Addman: How long will it take?
Advisor: About 2 minutes of your time.
Addman: Time I don't have! Can't you see I'm busy with my outrageous demands?
Advisor: Please sire, we're a very poor civilisation as the last Queen spent all our money on teleporters and rocket launchers, our crops don't grow, our people are starving.
Addman: Hmm, this is a grave situation. Let me me think a moment about our strategy...
Advisor: Thank you sire.
Addman:...Let them eat cake.
Advisor: Cake? Our people can't afford cake!
Addman: Really? I heard that on TV...then let them eat each other. They won't be hungry, and it'll help this overcrowded basement of a population.
Advisor: Yes sire, although it may be a good idea to promote canibalism amongst our people.
Addman: Good idea, let's make a commercial!

************

Addman: Hi, I'm King Addman the first. And I'm here to tell you about healthy eating. Did you know that your neighbour has all the essential nutrients you need to survive for a whole week?
Actor: Really?
Addman: Really. Eating your friends and family is actually a good thing! Previously people thought cannibalism was bad.
Actor: But I thought it was!
Addman: On the contrary. Did you know that Jesus, Moses, and the members of your favourite pop group all used to eat their relatives for sustainance?
Actor: Wow King Addman, you're as smart as you are handsome. I'll certainly cook my children later tonight.
Addman: Good for you son, do your civil duty.
Actor: But what If I was a vegetarian? What advice could you give me?
Addman: Then someone will eat you!
Actor: Thanks King Addman, you're the best!

***********

Addman:...So has the commercial aired yet?
Advisor: Yes sire, but it has caused widespread hysteria. People are rioting in the street, killing and eating their loved ones, devouring their childhood friends, slaughtering the elderly!
Addman:...So, aren't you going to say: "Thank you Addman for saving us all from the brink of starvation"?
Advisor: My mother ate my wife...
Addman: She's a true patriot. You should be proud!

*suddenly a mob bursts through the door*

Mob Member 1: There he is! Eat the King!
Mob Member 2: He's so big, he'll feed us for months!
Mob Member 3: My sister is too stringy! Eat the King!
Addman: Did you build the escape pod?
Advisor: You didn't request an escape pod, Sire.
Addman: Idiot! I'll throw you to these ravenous peasents!
Advisor: ARGH THEY'RE PEELING THE JELLY FROM MY EYES!

*Addman runs out of the royal palace and up the basement stairs of Frankensense's castle. He passes Frankensense and the Gnome Queen swinging from a chandelier dressed as gibbons in some sort of bizarre cosplay, runs straight out of the castle doors and into the horizon. He eventually runs all the way back to the Saloon, where Fort had just arrived*

Addman: Fort! Thank god you're here, I have some starving cannibals chasing me!
Fort: Addman! Thank god you're here, I have some enraged koala's chasing me!
Addman: What the hell happened to you?
Fort: What about you? Sounds like something bad!
Addman: Nevermind, let's just run as fast as we can!

[Fort]

((BWAHAHAHAHA! Kolas, love it. ))


Fort: What's wrong with the Ship?!
Addman: Forget the god-dammned ship! We have a bad history with vehicle travel!
Fort: Fine!
*Fort and Addman begin running in oposite directions.*
Addman: Where are you going?! The Canibals are that way!
Fort: Where are you going! The Koalas are THAT way!
Addman: Into the Saloon!
Fort: the Kolas leftover hats are that way!
Addman: ...what?!
Fort: I insulted some god dammned Kolas in hats!
Addman: Fine! Into this conveniance store!
*Fort and Addman run into one of the wooden buildings.*
Shopkeep: You boys want some tinned peaches?
Addman: Do you have a place to hide?!
Shopkeep: I don't think so, but we got some mighty fine tinned peachs.
Addman: Crap! Upstairs!
Fort: Actualy tinned peachs sou-
Addman: COME ON!
*Fort and Addman run upstairs.*
Addman: You'd have thought a Western Conveniance store would have had lots of places to hide!
Fort: Well we could have hidden behind some tinned peachs.
Addman: HE ONLY HAD ONE CAN! C'MON! THE ROOF!
*Addman climbs out onto the gutter, hangs there for some time flailing, and lifts himself up. Fort stands on the windowsill and pretty much had to step on the roof.*
Addman: Damn you and your tall height.
Fort: It has it's disadvantages.
Addman: Such as?
Fort: Not being able to hide as easily, and a bigger target.
Addman: That doesn't seem that bad.
*A flaming arrow passes Fort's antlers.*
Fort: Oh. Plus there isn't enough blood getting to my b..b...b...thinking thingy.
Addman: Myeh. In you I don't think it would have made much diffrence.
*Fort and Addman stare over the roof, to see the Koalas and Gnomes battling it out.*
Fort: What luck. They kill each other off and we can sit back and relax.
Addman: Heh. Ooooh, graphic.
Voice: It is isn't it.
*Fort and Addman turned round to see three gnomes in deckchairs.*
Addman: ARGGH! We've been found!
Gnome 1: Don't worry ye'self, we're the Gnome Gods, King Addman.
Fort: KING Addman?! What have you being doing.
Addman: Your gods?!
Gnome 2: Well...more 'eff metaphores, I'm the Gnome God that steals yer' socks, so you only ever find one in the wash.
Gnome 1: I'm the Gnome God that makes sure your Keys are always in the last place you look.
Gnome 3: And I be the Gnome that makes sure your computer crashes before you save yer' work.
Addman: YOU BASTARDS!
*Addman dived at the Gnomes, and started strangeling the one that mucked computers.*
Addman: So MANY UNSAVED DRAFTS! DAMN YOU AND YOUR POINTY SOCKS!
*The strangeled Gnome's pointy feet flail wildly.*
Sock Gnome: Stop him!
Fort: Why? I'm as annoyed as he is.
Addman: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME YOU COST ME!!
Sock Gnome: If you stop him we'll give you riches untold!
Fort: I don't believe you. It's going to be another island with a decrepit Ship builder.
Sock Gnome: WE'LL GIVE YOU MORE GOLD THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY COUNT!
Fort: Real gold?
Sock Gnome: YES!
Fort: Hey Addman, if you stop we'll be rich again.
*Addman ceases his strangiling.*
Addman: That's okay. I've had my fun. Now where's the Gnome I'm mad at who turn my computer off?
Fort: That was him.
Addman: Oh. Now where's this gold?
*The Sock Gnome pours three gold coins onto the ground from a sock he used to carry his posessions.*
Addman: Three? I though you said riches untold.
Key Gnome: We said more riches than you can possibly count, I don't believe this fella' here can count past two.
Fort: IT TRULY IS RICHES UNTOLD!
Addman: Well I guess. I can count to ten though.
Sock Gnome: The deal wasn't made with you!
Addman: ...
*Addman proceeded to wrestle the sock gnome to the ground, steal his sock with money in it, and throw the bruised gnome into the fray down bellow. He then finished off th two others in the same way.*
Addman: Anyone else want to get smart?!
Fort: Erm...Addman? Is that sock in your hand, growing bigger? ...with teeth?
*The sock in Addman's hand began to grow and wriggle, before it grew to twice the size of the building it was on, and with sharp pronged teeth it stared down at the two.*

[addman]

Addman: Why does this type of thing always happen to us?
Fort: Because we're clumsy, reckless and foolish?
Addman: Ahh, of course.

*They dive out of the way as the sock monster comes tries to scoop them up in it's teeth and devour them whole*

Fort: Quick! What's a socks natural enemy?
Addman: I don't know, I don't wear socks! You're sock expert!
Fort: Hmm, perhaps some good detergent?
Addman: That's just your sock's enemy, they're so dirty they have evolved sentience and set off the cave's sprinkler system when they leave your drawer and go out clubbing at 3 AM.
Fort: Who'd have thought intelligent beings would listen to rave music...wait, that's it! Addman, you're a genius!
Addman: I am?
Fort: Well no, but your utterings reminded me of something, and I formulated a plan from it. I'm the genius, but I told you that to make you feel better, despite having done nothing to aid the plot-forming process whatsoever.
Addman:...I'm clever !

*With that, Fort removed his shoes (whilst Addman covered his non-existant nose), and then took his socks off. The sock monster came down for a second swoop, which they dived out the way of again as Fort threw his socks onto the giant sock monster's head*

Fort: Sic 'em boys!

*Fort's socks immediately chomped down into the giant (having gained sentient intelligence of course) and began to dig their teeth in. The giant sock roared mightily as it rocked backwards and forwards, trying to remove Fort's sock's grip*

Addman: Do you really think it will work?
Fort: Dunno, but it is really fun to watch!

*The giant sock, not being able to stand the pain anymore, bowed it's head in defeat as Fort's socks silently jumped down to the floor. The sock monster seemed humbled by the experience, and gave puppy dog eyes to Fort and Addman*

Fort: Awww, look.
Addman: C'mon Fort, let's leave it here.
Fort: But look at it, the poor thing.
Addman: That poor thing tried to eat you.
Fort: I think it wants to come with us, don't you boy?

*Fort rolls the sock over and tickles it's stomach. The monster laughs heartily*

Addman: So, now we've got some giant smelly sock following us around?
Fort: Well he'll be good for protection.
Addman: OK, welcome to the team, sock monster! Now let's go and find Yotaman!
Fort: Heh heh, stop licking me!
Sock Monster: ROOOAAAARRRR!
Addman: Fort, you should probably name him.
Fort: Why?
Addman: Because it looks out of place in the ego script if you don't.
Fort: OK, hows about Fred?
Addman: ...I dunno.
Fort: Jarvis?
Addman: What makes you so sure it's a boy?
Fort:...I don't get you.
Addman: Well it could be a girl sock, how can you tell the difference.
Fort: The smell.
Addman: But that still doesn't...
Fort: And the giant schlong that's swinging from underneath.
Addman: Ahh ok then, carry on.
Fort: How about Bobby?
Addman: Bobby's ok, but not very original.
Fort: I want to call it Bobby!

*Addman, Fort, and the sock monster walk off into the distance discussing names, meanwhile:*

Gnome Army: CHEEEEAAAAARRRGGGGGEEEEE!
Koala Army: CHEEEEAAAAARRRGGGGGEEEEE, equally as fast!
Gnome General: Hahaha! My army is so much stronger than yours!
Koala General: I doubt it, mine are specially trained.
Gnome General: Oh yeah? Well mine were trained by the SAS, I bet you don't even know what the SAS is.
Koala General: Special Air Service.
Gnome General: No, Super Army Soldiers!
Koala General: No it isn't.
Gnome General: Yes it is, they told me.
Koala General: Well mine were trained by the resurrected ghost of Bruce Lee.
Gnome General: Well mine were trained by Jackie Chan, Jet Li, and Chuck Norris.
Koala General: Mine can disappear, reappear behind you, and snap your neck!
Gnome General: Well mine have super speed, and nuclear punches!
Koala General: Mine can destroy the world with a single breath!
Gnome General: Mine can destroy the galaxy by vaguely thinking about it!
Koala General: ....My daddy's stronger than your daddy!
Gnome General: Oh yeah, well we'll see about that.

*They push their dads into a circle and make them fight to the death with zimmer frames, until one the Koalas accidentally sighs and blows up the entire area*

[Fort]

Fort: Did you hear that?
Addman: What?
Fort: Something like a nuclear explosian, mark 2.
Addman: Mark 2?
Fort: A Mark 2 nuclar explosian.
Addman: You can't tie your shoes, yet you can grade Nuclear explosians upon hearing them.
Fort: Myeh. It's a knack.
Addman: It's one for the education department right enough.
Fort: Now on with our search for Fruit Teas and a way home!
Addman: I thought I said we were searching for Yotaman.
Fort: Why would we-
*Yotaman suddenly flies past on a magic carpet, carrying a fruit tea that smelled of Tomatos and a giant map, cackiling evily to himself.
Fort: Huh. Two birds with one stone, that direction?
Addman: Lets go that direction.
*Fort and Addman start walking across the desert with no provisions except for a large sock with teeth.*

-Some time later-

Addman: This wasn't the best of ideas was it?
Fort: So...thirsty....
Addman: Shush with the self monolouge, no one wants to hear your troubles!
Fort: I think I'm beginning to see a Mirage.
Addman: No this is really me here.
Fort: No. Over there, an Oasis!
Addman: I see it too!
Fort: And sexy woman!
Addman: All I see is cactuses, but....okay!
*Fort and Addman run towards the Oasis, followed closely by Bobby. Addman jumps into the water and frolicks happily, Fort jumps straight onto one of the cactuses with his legs widespread.*
Addman: Ahhh.....
Fort: ARGHHHhhHHH!!!
*Fort proceeds to do a funny "hold your crotch with a silly expression on your face" dance, and lands headfirst into the water.*
Addman: HEY! Your contamination what little we already have to drink!
*Addman continues to frolick a bit in the water, and uses it to wash his fur, he then proceeds to try to succesfully start an eco-system of fly lavra.*
Fort: Sorry, sorry, could you stop that?
Addman: What?
Fort: With the flies.
Addman: They breed like Flie you know.
Fort: They are flies.
Addman: Well grab some popcorn and we can watch.
Fort: I'll pass.
*Suddenly, from the horizon, a big white bus slowly trundles along.*
Addman: Look!
Fort: Let's try to stop it!
*Fort and Addman wave their hands in the air and try to get the buses attention.*
Addman: Stop! Stop! Two mysterious and scary looking travelers want to hitch a lift from you! Quick!
Fort: Don't say stuff like that, you can scare them.
Addman: I don't see you doing any better.
Fort: Observe. *Ahem* STOP! We need a lift! Our crimes and deviancies are untold and we may be possibly armed!
Addman: That's even worse.
*The bus slowly trundles to a halt before the two and the door opens.*
Voice: And to your left, you see two people who's crimes and deviances are untold, and who may possibly be armed.
Crowd: Ooooh.
*Camera flashes from bus are seen.*
Voice: And to your right, you can see desert, lots more desert.
Crowd: Ahhhhh.
*More flashes are seen.*
Fort: Oooh! A Tourbus! I've always wanted to try one of these!
*Fort and Addman scrambl aboard.*
Voice: And in front of few, the criminals are climbing aboard and quite possibly are going to hijack us.
Crowd: Oooooh.
*Fort and Addman become momneteraly blinded from the flashes.*
Voice: And just bellow you, a large sock with teeth is slinking round your feet, possibly to eat your toes.
Crowd: Yyyyyyyyy.
Fort: Hey! "Y" can't be a sound to express enjoyment! It's not even a proper vowl! Take that back!
Voice; The angry robber is now asking for your worldly possesions, cough 'em up people.
*Old smiling ladies begin to reach into their hand-bags.*
Addman: Yes! Yes! Perfect....
Fort: We can't rob little old ladies!
Addman: Fort, you spent most of your childhood being robbed BY them, now's payback!
Fort: Payback by stealing prescribed drugs and denturs?
Addman: This stuff costs a bundle on the market ussualy.
Fort: Could you find a use for teeth?
Addman: I dunno. Imagine me with teeth.
Fort: ....IIIEEEEEEEE!
Addman: That good, eh? I'l got for it.
*Addman takes the first pair of dentuars that come to him, and sticks them in his mouth.*
Addman: How. do. I. look?
Fort: Crazy.
Addman: GOOD! Driver! Drive on!
*Bus begins to move into the distance.*

[addman]

Tour Guide: And to your left, you'll see some sand.
Crowd: Ooooh!
Fort: Ooooh!
Addman: *chomp*
Tour Guide: And to the right you'll see more sand.
Crowd: Ooooh!
Fort: Ooooh!
Addman: *chomp*
Fort: Add, will you stop biting the chair in front and concentrate on the tour? You might learn something.
Addman: Learn? Ergh, that's disgusting. Besides, I'm testing out the new dentures.
Fort: Please, you look like you've tried to fit a keyboard into your mouth.
Addman: I did that once. A casio it was, horrible taste...
Fort: Really?
Addman: ...the barbeque sauce added nothing.
Tour Guide: And on the left, THERE'S A CACTUS!

*Many of the elderly crowd have heart attacks simultaneously*

Addman: I wonder if these teeth could chomp through that passed out old lady.
Bobby The Sock Monster: RWWWOOOAAARRR! *bites the old woman in two*
Addman: Hey! That one was mine!

*Addman and the sock monster both begin trying to eat other in some kind of perpetual eating cycle*

Tour Guide: And in the centre aisle, you'll see a muppet and sock breaking the fabric of existence with a paradoxical eating contest.
Fort: Ooooh! That's interesting. Hey, miss tour lady! Where are we heading now?
Tour Guide: To see more of the desert.
Fort: Yay!
Addman: Haha! I won!
Fort: You managed to eat it?
Addman: Yup!
Fort: That sock was very dirty. You'll probably get food poisoning.
Addman: Don't be an idiot, I have the strongest stomach ever known to...

*The muppets stomach gurgles and he doubles over in pain*

Fort: It was a very dirty sock.
Addman: I'll sit down now.

*Suddenly, the bus pulls over to pick up some more tour patrons. One tall guy in a cloak, and a shorter guy with furry feet*

Addman: Those two look familiar...
Fort: They're train robbers! HELP!
Addman: OK, one, we're not on a train, and two...
Fort: They're coach robbers! HELP!
Addman: ...Two, they look remarkably like Gimpli and the Ringwraith.
Fort: Christ, you're right. I wonder how they survived.
Addman: They didn't, I distinctly remember them dying.
Fort: Well, just about everyone who we've met on our adventures comes back at some point.

*Suddenly, Melody, Jebus, Mrs. Claus, Frankensense, The Gnome Queen, Trebor, Frankensense's monster, The Stumpy Sea Captain, The Perverted Cabin Boy, The Ice Cream Lady, Subordinates #1 and #2, as well as Panther, Goron and Krath, all board the bus*

Addman: Holy Jebus!
Fort: All of our friends are here! Yay!
Addman: Time for a sing song!
All: We're all going on a summer holiday, no more working for a week or two, fun and laughter on a summer holiday...
Fort: Wake up.
Addman: What?
Fort: Wake up.
Addman: I am awake!

*Suddenly, Addman's vision becomes blurry and he zones out. He comes too to see Fort's face, then feels a sharp, wet slap across his cheek*

Fort: Wake up!
Addman: Wh-where am I?
Fort: The desert, you went in that contaminated puddle then began to hallucinate.
Addman: What are you hitting me with?
Fort: A haddock. The only thing living in that puddle, and frankly I think it's affected it.
Haddock: We're all going on a, summer holiday!
Fort: Come on, we've got to catch up with Yotaman, he has everything we want.
Addman: Hold on, I've had an idea. This puddle makes people hallucinate. We could sell them as holy visions! People will pay millions to use the Empithany Puddle!
Fort: Oh no, not more get rich quick schemes. C'mon!
Addman: But...the money!

*Fort drags Addman by the arm towards a herd of wild camels roaming the desert. They jump on the first one they find, and proceed after Yotaman in a rickety and awkward manner*

Addman: Trust you to pick the one with the poorly legs!
Fort: I thought bendy legs would act as suspension for your weight!

[Fort]

((Oh hell, that had my spides splitting. Now I'm going to have to try to up my comedic game. Damn you. . ))


Addman: I feel sea sick.
Fort: We're not on a sea, we're on a Camel.
Addman: I feel Camel Sick then.
Fort: Look, I'll stop this Camel on the first turn-off, bare on till then.
Addman: Where's the nearest turn-off?
Fort: Near the nearest road.
Addman: Where's that?
Fort: Myeh.
Addman: *Sigh* I'll try not to be sick then.

*Silence*

Addman: Fort, could I ask you an intimate question?
Fort: Myeh. Sure.
Addman: ...what would your reaction be if I had teeth?
Fort: IIIEEEEEE!

*Suddenly the Camel topels over and the four (including the Uneated
Sock), roll down a very steep sandy hill. At the bottom, the Camel, Addman and Fort end up in a rather tangled and messy heap.*

Fort: Oh gods....I think I broke several of my bones
Addman: Who'd have thought that sand could have been so painful?
Fort: Actualy almost 3/4 of the desert is made up of rock. I read that in National Geographic.
Addman: You read the National Geographic?
Fort: I thought it was a raunch magazine!
Addman: How the hell could you confuse National Geographic for a raunchy magazine!?
Fort: I was fooled by the cover!
Addman: What could possibly be on the Cover of National Geographic that could have made it seem dirty to you?
Fort: Roe Deer!
Addman: ...I guess that makes sense in a very scary manner.


*Suddenly through Dimensional distortion, Fort and Addman end up on a talk show in smart suits, shaven, and well fed and watered.*

Fort: Hello all.
Addman: We here at the Wall RP would like to apolagise for the previous joke.
Fort: There was simply too much setup and not enough pun.

*Then, as quick as the problem occured, the universe fixed itself.*

Addman: Bugger. I thought we were saved.
Fort: I was wearing the most terrifyingly chafing clothes.
Addman: You mean something that wasn't a dress?
Fort: Oh Ha Ha.
Addman: The Universe spits on us, you know, gives us a glimpse of what's possible then drags us back into these deplorable situations.
Fort: Quite frankly I didn't like what the universe showed us.
Addman: It was civilization!
Fort: Everyone was blue and had three breasts.
Addman: Yes. Well. Apart from the audiances obvious deformaties, that was civilization.
Fort: They wore chocolate money as clothes and they had the severed heads of dogs ties to their middle breast.
Addman: You've got to make do with what you've got, you know what I mean?
Fort: I'd rather stick it out in the desert.

*The Camel Farts.*

Fort: On second thoughts....
Addman: Look! It's Bobby! And he brought help!

*Bobby slinks over the hill, with men in turbans in hot pursuit.*

Fort: Oh thank goodness....
1st Man in Turban: Yes Ahbudle, your right, it would be better to first sit on them, THEN stew them.
Addman: I don't like where this is going...
Ahbdule: Thank you my Sock Freind, you lead us (Non-Arab people who wear turbans, who are in no way linked with real life people who live in deserts) to a fine feast! Popping Humos, help me carry them to the Camels!
Popping Humos (1st man in Turban): Camel Also?
Ahbdul: Camel make good eating! Though it will require more sitting than the rest of them!
Fort: WE'RE SAVED!
Addman: I think they're Canibals.
Fort: Prepostorous! You'll see that their native tounge is just colourful and you got it wrong all along!

*Fort and Addman are dragged by Camel towards the men's camp and stuck in a large cooking pot.*


Fort: Well maybe I was a little wrong...
Addman: Suprised at all?
Fort: I wouldn't be more suprised if all our previous freinds and enemies clambered onto a Tour-bus and started singing Holidays songs.
Addman: What an obscure refferance.

*Ahbdul starts cutting up carrots inside the cooking pot.*

Addman: Are those carrots?
Ahdul: Yes, unclean one.
Addman: Where do you get carrots in the desert?
Ahbdul: HUSH! Lest you destroy the balance of the universe and the three breasted ones strike their wrath down upon us again!
Fort: You saw them too?
Ahbdul: Saw them? We and Popping Humos here had to apolagise to them profoundly for eating other people!
Popping Humos: We wore very chafing clothing.
Fort: Ah, you thought so too? See Addman!
Popping Humos: Stop making chit-chatty and boil faster, Silly looking ones.

*Bobby slinks past.*

Fort: YOU TRAITOR!
Addman: I hope your proud of yourself!
Fort: Once a Gnome's possesions Sock, always a Gnome's posessions sock!

*Bobby slinks away, weeping sockily to his Socky self.*

Addman: Perhaps we were too harsh on the little guy...
Fort: HARSH?! Addman, he led us to a couple of Canibals! ((Non-Arab people who wear turbans, and who are in no way linked with real life people who live in deserts.)
Addman: Yeah I guess....
Ahbdul: Stop chit-chatting and boil faster! Popping Humos's belly rumbles!
Popping Humos: Long time since Popping Humos has Venision and stuffing.
Addman: You do realise my stuffing is inedible and fire-retardent?
Fort: Lucky begger....
Ahbdul: Yes! Sounds like good stuffing!
Addman: ...get a dictionary.

*Popping Humos triumphantly steps out of his tent and presents an English Dictionary.*

Addman: Look up Stuffing if you would.
*Popping Humos looks up stuffing.*
Popping Humos: Here we go! Stuffing - a mixture of seasoned ingredients used to stuff meats and vegetables.
Fort: Hmm...once your finised cooking us could I have a tad of Addman?
Addman: That's not the only definition of stuffing!
Ahbdul: I'm sorry, Unclean ones, one time me and Popping Humos here got so hungry we ate parts of the dictionary.
Fort: Mmmm...
Addman's thoughts: Damn it....it's times like this I wish we could read each others thoughts, eh, Fort?
Fort: ...
Addman's thoughts: Oh yeah....
Addman (in a low whisper): Right, Fort, we're going to topple over this Cooking Pot, and Roll, roll, roll, roll to freedom!
Fort: Gotcha.
Addman: One.
*Wobble.*
Addman: Two
*Preacrious wobble.*
Ahbdul: Unclean ones! Stop that!
Addman: Three!
*The Pots topples over and begins to roll, roll, roll, roll precariously down the hill to freedom.*
Addman's thoughts: Oh Gods! That hurt, I think I got scalding water all over myself! ...I hope Fort's dead.
Fort's thoughts: I'm alive you ungreatful pillock!
Addman: WHAT THE HELL?!
*Suddnely the two men in Turbans appear over the ridge.*
Ahbdul: Get them!
Popping Humos: Well duh...
*The two begin to run down the hill.*

[addman]

*Addman and Fort run as fast as they can down the sandy hill with the cannibals in hot pursuit*

Addman: I've had enough of cannibals to last me a lifetime.
Fort: Technically, they're not cannibals. We're not human, so they're not eating their own species.
Addman: True. But less talk, more running!
Fort: *glances over his shoulder* We're losing them, they look about three feet tall from here.
Addman: *glances* They are three feet tall Fort, they're pygmies.
Fort: Pygmies?! Then why are we running away?
Addman: I thought it was the latest craze. It's all we seem to do these days.

*Fort turns around and bashes the pygmies heads together*

Popping Humos: Losing, conciousness....
Ahbdul: Blackness, seeping, in...
Addman: Phew, now let's find that camel and be on our way.
Fort: Addman, look, I did it!
Addman: What?
Fort: I saved us!
Addman: Yeah so? I've done that at least three times before.
Fort: This is great! I feel so alive, I'm a hero!
Addman: Hero? Generally, proper heroes, y'know real heroes, authentic heroes who are adored and worshipped by all, do not pick their noses!
Fort: I'm only doing it out of triumph!
Addman: Shut up lanky, and let's get going.
Fort: This could be a new start for me. Perhaps I'll turn over a new leaf and do good!
Addman: Fort, you're just excited, you don't know what your saying!
Fort: Good, good, good! Look, I can say the G word without having to wash my mouth out!
Addman: We'll discuss this later, right now let's move before these two regain conciousness.
Popping Humos: Uuuurgghh.

*Fort hits Popping Humos over the head with a nearby rock*

Fort: Quiet! Let me have my moment!
Addman: It's now about 20 minutes past your moment. Let's go already!
Fort: ...OK I'm done.

*The pair start trekking across the harsh, unforgiving desert, with sand billowing towards them so fast, that it stings the skin slightly*

Addman: I wish we still had that camel.
Fort: Yeah, what happened to that?
Addman: No idea, but I bet it was better than what happened to us.

*************************

*The bendy legged camel staggers across the landscape and comes across a remote cabin. It enters the cabin to take shelter from the sandstorm*

Mickey Rourke: The desert was hot as hell. I'm sitting here and I'm looking at a goddess. Humpy, the camel. Her hair is as sandy as can be, and like an angel to touch.

*The camel gives him a look as if to say "Can I go yet?", then walks towards the door*

Mickey Rourke: Not until after the sodomy
Camel: o_0

************************

Fort: We need to get out of this sandstorm.
Addman: I've decided upon two possible courses of action.
Fort: Which are?
Addman: 1. We lay down here and die.
Fort: And number 2?
Addman: 2. We carry on walking, then lay down and die somewhere.
Fort: ...They are your only options?
Addman: Well I considered running along, then dying of exhaustion, but I don't feel like running anymore.
Fort: If we just keep walking we're bound to come across someone who can help us.
Addman: I can't...go on...

*Addman collapses with tiredness on the sand*

Fort: If you can't make, then I'll carry you! Like a hero!

*Fort reaches down and hoists Addman's barely concious body onto his shoulder*

Fort: Don't you die on me!

*With the extra weight, Fort suddenly sinks in the sand up to his chest*

Fort: Dammit!

((I'll leave it there for you to save us both, Fort))

[Fort]

((YOU PROMISED ME NO MORE MICKEY!!! ...very well, I'll use this to my advantage...))

Fort: Well...I guess this is the end.
Addman: *Incoherant mumbiling.*
Fort: It was nice knowing you, you Money Scrounging Blagard.
Addman: *Incoherant mumbiling.*
Fort: Technicaly it's your fault we're in this situation, be thankfull I didn't leave you and save myself.
Addman: *Incoherant mumbiling.*
Fort: You know, if you controled your cookie eating just a tad, you may have been a LITTLE lighter, stopping this bleedin' sitaution from ever occuring!
Addman: *Incoherant Mumbiling that insults Fort's mother.*
Fort: That is just uncalled for.
*Suddnely on the Horizon, slowly comming down the hill, was a man sillhoueted on a Camel.*
Fort: HEY! HEY! You! Stop! Hey!
Addman: D-d-d-don't....
Fort: Eh?
Addman: Too....late.
*The man on the camel comes out of the sillhoueted lighting, turning out to be Mickey Rourke, with two Pigmys straped to the back of his Camel.*
Mickey: -what a good catch, I thought to myself; then, turning towards the sound, I noticed before me, a perfect find, a sensual find, one had the silkiest fur I'd ever seen, and the other, tall, skinny, not bad to look at if you squint, both perfect for the biggest Sodomy Orgy of all time.
Fort: AIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!
*Mickey drops from the Camel.*
Mickey: I reached for the rope with trebiling fingers, I moved towards the blue one, tying it round his chest in a sensual fashion, I stopped the other's incoherant screaming by stuffing my shoe into his mouth; he sucks shoe good, I have high hopes. I loaded them onto the camels, taking time to feel their skin as I did.
Fort: MMMRRHHHH!!!
Mickey: Damn he sucks shoe good.
*Mickey, talking to himself all the while, rides off into the distance on his Camel. Slowly, after a long hike into the Sun, he appears at a lone wooden shack in the shady side of the desert.*
Mickey: I removed the shoe from his mouth, taking my swe-
Fort: OH GODS!
Mickey: I heard him shout.
Fort: Stop that now.
Mickey: I stared lovingly into his eyes, he was almost perfect to wear the Naughty SchoolGirl costume.
Fort: Stop that now!
Mickey: He had wide child-bearing hips.
Fort: Sodomize Addman! He likes it!
Mickey: I reached for the bonds of the rope, firmly and deftly, the dead one was going to make an excellent spouse.
Fort: Addman? He's not dead.
Mickey: Really? Well that makes me feel a whole lot better. He was going to make an even better spouse, though, I realised sadly, I would have to let him breathe from time to time.
Fort: I hate the gods....

[Scene missing, for Humanity's Sake.]


*By nightfall, Fort and Addman run out of the hut screaming, Fort wearing a Sexy School Girl costume, and Addman dressed as a Roman Emperor.*

Addman: WHERE DO WE GO?!
Fort: He took us most of the way! I saw a city in that direction over there!
*Fort points with the spanking cane he still held.*
Addman: Let's go!

[Raven]

(( ... ROFLMFAO! Fort, your last post had me clutching my sides. Bravo ! ))

[addman]

((I have no sides left to clutch, they exploded with laughter! I won't be able to match that, but god dammit I'll try!))

*Addman and Fort make their way to the city in the distance. As they travel they come to a highway which leads into the metropolis ahead, so they begin thumbing for lifts as they walk down the side of the road. Many cars drive past them, some speed up when they see the outfits, others crash their cars in terror*

Child: Mommy, why does that big school girl with antlers need a ride?
Mother: I...I...I really don't know sweetie...
Child: Let's give her a ride!
Mother: GOD NO!

***********

Fort: *sigh* We'll never get a lift at this rate. Frankly, I think you're frightening the traffic.
Addman: Me? At least I'm thumbing for a lift. You just wink and lick your lips!
Fort: You gotta give the punters what they want.
Addman: A shrewd business statement there Fort, you may be onto something there.

*Addman turns away and tears off a nearby street sign. He reaches into his tunic, pulls out a black marker and begins to scribble something on the sign*

Fort: What are you writing there?
Addman: Nothing.
Fort: Let me see!
Addman: Can you read?
Fort: No....
Addman: Ok then...*flashes the sign at Fort which reads "Naughty Schoolgirl, yours for a ride to the city!"*
Fort: How dare you!
Addman: I thought you said you couldn't read!
Fort: You didn't let me finish, I was about to say "Not in the dark."
Addman: But it is dark!
Fort: Really? Then those carrots DO have special powers!

*Fort, having been sidetracked and forgotten about Addman's sign, blissfully stood beside the muppet who was trying to sell him and made kissy faces at the passing cars*

Addman: This is no good, you're going to have to show off a bit more skin.
Fort: Why?
Addman: Because everyone likes a tart, even if they look like a moose who hasn't learned to shave yet.
Fort: Mooses shave?
Addman: It's very easy to distract you from the matter at hand, isn't it Fort.
Fort: That's absolute rubbish, I...WOW! I HAVE TWO FEET!

*Suddenly, a blue sports car, obviously worth a lot of money, pulls up at the side of the road, almost causing a pileup as the other cars break the speed limit to get away from innappropriatly dressed duo. The black tinted window of the sports car rolls down, and a face which Addman recognises pokes his head out.*

Addman: Oh my god, are you...are you Terry Minger?
Terry: That's right.
Addman: Oh my god, I love you on that show, the way you solve people's problems, the stage fights, the drama!
Fort: Who is he?
Addman: Terry Minger! He presents that morning chat show where all the guests beat each other up and sass talk everyone.
Fort: I don't follow celebrity culture.
Addman: Please, can we have a ride to the city Mr. Minger?
Terry: You're saucy friend here can, but you can't.
Addman: Why not?
Terry: Because Romans don't do anything for me. Miss schoolgirl, will you accompany me to my hotel room?
Fort: I don't know about this...it sounds a bit seedy.
Terry: I've got a cake.
Fort: REALLY?! What kind? Does it have marzipan?! ((Remember that?))

*Fort climbs in the car, seemingly unaware of what may befall him that evening, of the innocence that was at stake. They drive off and leave Addman at the side of the road*

Addman: Dammit! Well, if he can do it, then so can I!

*Addman struts down the side of the highway, trying to appear alluring to any potential suiter who may roll by. After a few moments, another car, very delapidated and old pulls up. Addman shrugs and walks up to the car as the window winds down*

Mickey Rourke: The highway was busier than a Packard Bell complaints switchboard. I'm sat here at the side of the road, looking at a dashing roman emperor and his mighty weapon...
Addman: HELL NO!

*Addman runs into the middle of the road, and luckily manages to leap into the back of a passing truck before Rourke can get out of the car. The truck drives on into the city and Addman finally takes off his tunic, disgarding it in the back. A few minutes later, they are driving down the main street of a bustling metropolis. Lights lined the sky from every direction, the people on the street appeared to be enjoying the nightlife, and Addman sat back and took in some of the impressive sights this nameless yet vibrant city had to offer.

Suddenly, he was snapped out of his daydream as he noticed a familiar blue sports car being parked by a valet. Next to the car park was an expensive looking hotel, and Terry plus Fort were just entering the door*

Addman: There they are! I'll show that Terry Minger for not giving me a ride!

*Addman dives off the truck, and lands painfully on a fire hydrant. Peeling himself off, he staggers inside the hotel after Fort and Terry*

[Fort]

((Bwahaha. ))

*Addman runs up into the receptionist, with a slight limp.*
Addman: I want Terry Minger's room.*
Receptionist: I'm sorry, Mr. Minger has left already sir.
Addman: I saw him just enter a few seconds ago! Lier!
Receptionist: I'm afraid it's true sir, he took the private train.
Addman: Private train?
Receptionist: Mr. Minger is so extravigent, he got us to install a private train in his room on the top floor.
Addman: I saw no train at the top of the bulidng!
Receptionist: That's how extravigent he is sir.
Addman: I see...fine, where's this train go?
Receptionst: Why, it's just arriving now sir.
Addman: Eh? -ack!
*Addman suddenly get's hit by a passing train, and plastered to the side of the fast-moving locomotive.*
Addman: Ahhh....owwwieee....
*Addman climbs up the side of the train, and clings to the top.*
Addman: ...who the hell makes a train roof out of crackers?!
*Addman crashes through the train roof and hits the floor- which was also made of crackers, and thus hits the tracks.*
Addman: Oh for the love of....
*Addman, severely bruised and beaten stands up and looks around.*
Addman: ...is....is this a Pancake house?
Owner: Yessiree, finest pancake house this side of the west, here, you look severely beaten, have some pankcakes on the house!
Addman: *Sniff* I'm truly in heaven.
*Suddenly Addman get's hit by another passing train, which was made ENTIRELY out of crackers, so he crashes through the walls of said train, crashes into Fort and Terry, then, all three of them in a Matrix-esqe flying heap, crash through the other side, inside the pancake house.*
Addman: Oh gods! The pain!
Terry: What just happened to the cracker train!
Owner: Say you boys look like you've been in the wars. How 'bout some free pancakes?
Addman: Oh no! I'm not falling for that one again!
*Addman quickly rolls of the tracks. Suddenly Fort and Terry get hit by a passing cracker train, and get thrown out the other side.*
Addman: FEEL MY PAIN!!
Fort: Oh gods! What the hell keeps happening?!
Terry: My eyes! They're filled with crumbs! I think I'm blind!
*Addman quickly grabs Fort by the collar and hoists him upright.*
Addman: I want revenge on Terry, help me put his feet in cement and tie hi-...are you wearing your old clothes?
Fort: He made me wear this! The pervert!
Addman: Are they new?
Fort: Yup. Smell them if you want.
Addman: ...I'll pass. Now where's Terry?!
*The two turn round to see Terry face down in a pile of pancakes.*
Fort: What the hell happened-?!
Owner: Poor man, drowned in Pancake Syrup, seems he overindulged.
Addman: ...there is something I really distrust about you.
Owner: You think I did this to him? Well sonny, what you need is trust, how 'bout you sit down right here and I treat you to some pancakes?
Fort: Sounds great!
Addman: Onwards!
*Addman drags Fort out of the door of the Pankcake hut.*

[addman]

((Now Fort, trains made of crackers? That's highly unrealistic, learn from my example below on how to create a perfectly feasible post ))

*The duo leave the pancake house and walk out onto the street. The bustling urban environment sparks an urge in Addman for gambling and drinking opportunities, and he appears to have forgotten what on earth they were doing there. Fort on the otherhand, appeared confused by a fire hydrant with a muppet shaped indentation on the top*

Addman: Right, what were we doing here again?
Fort: Hmmm? Oh I don't know, trying to escape certain molestation at the hand of our enemies?
Addman: No, we came here for a reason...Ah I know!
Fort: What? Is it important?
Addman: We came to drink!
Fort: Oh no, you're bad enough back at the Cave's office parties. I don't think I want to witness your antics on an all night bender around the town...

*Six minutes later, Addman and Fort are queing outside a night club covered head to toe in glow sticks and whistles.*

Addman: This is the best club in town.
Fort: How can you possibly know that? We don't even know what city this is!
Addman: This flyer on the wall says so.
Fort: What? So are you really that suggestible? You'll buy anything as long as you're told it's the best?
Addman: I'm what I like to call a relaxed empiricist. I'll believe anything, as long as someone tells me that's pretty much how it happened.
Hobo: I once juggled the Earth!
Addman: Really? That's impressive!
Fort: Don't listen to him Add...wait, why is a hobo trying to get into a night club?
Hobo: Night Club? This is a soup kitchen.
Fort: Well I am rather hungry.
Addman: No, we're not going in some smelly soup kitchen!
Fort: But Addman...
Addman: C'mon, let's go and find somewhere more lively!

*Fort and Addman walk off across town. Meanwhile the hobo enters the soup kitchen, recieves his soup, and then begins to do the robot on the light-up dance floor. The drinks were free, everone was given a goodie bag of their favourite things, and the music was so fantastic many of the hobos had instant orgasms after the first note. Turns out the soup kitchen suddenly turns into the best night club in town after 8PM. Meanwhile...*

Fort: I can't believe the only place we could find was this seedy backstreet bar.
Addman: *Half-heartedly blows his whistle in disappointment*
Fort: Well anyway, we can still have a fun evening.
Addman: *Half-heartedly blows his whistle in disappointment*
Fort: We don't need decent alcohol, this watered down and expensive cider tastes alright if you close your nasal passages. And that jukebox over there playing old Bjork records on repeat isn't so bad.
Addman: *Half-heartedly blows his whistle in disappointment*
Fort: C'mon Add, cheer up. Help me flick these peanuts into this pint glass. Afterwards, we'll build a tower of beer mats.
Addman SHUT UP! FOR GOD'S SAKE! I'm sick of your cheery optimism! I haven't been drunk in over two days and I'm in some crappy bar with the likes of you for company! This is the worst night out ever!
Fort: So, what would you usually do on a night out?
Addman: If I could remember that it wouldn't be a good night, would it?
Fort: Well you always come back with red hand prints on your face, so I guess your best chat up lines just don't cut it anymore.
Addman: Oh yeah? You calling my patented Addman Attraction Techniques into question?
Fort: I call your very existence into question, but we'll start there.
Addman: Fine, pick a woman in this bar. Any woman.
Fort: Ok what about her.
Addman:...Where?
Fort: That woman stood near that dart board with bullet holes in it.
Addman: ...That's a mounted deer head.
Fort: Right, what about the toothless old crone next to it?
Addman: Alright, she's ugly so it'll be easy. Watch this!

*Addman strides over to the old crone and slides up next to her, leaning on the bar casually*

Addman: Has anyone ever told you before how beautiful you are?
Crone: No.
Addman: Hmm surprising...well you are. Can I buy you a drink?
Crone: I don't think so, I may be an aging 90 year old virgin who is desperate for companionship, but you're a muppet!

*Addman slinks back to the table where Fort is sat*

Fort: How'd it go?
Addman: ...Well.
Fort: She couldn't see past the muppet thing could she?

*Addman begins to sob into his drink*

[Fort]

Fort: There there.
Addman: *Muffled Sobs*
Fort: Your not ugly.
Addman: *Wails*
Fort: Well, yeah- come to think of it, what is a Winzled Old Crone like that doing in a place like this?
Addman: *Crys*
Fort: No she is not a plot element designed speficaly to Cheese you off. She's a human be-
Addman: *Unintelligable grunt.*
Fort: Fine she's semi-human.
Addman: *Crys*
Fort: Yeah. We probably won't see her again.
*A woman walks towards the two and sits down.*
Woman: Hey- mind if I sit here?
Fort: Yes.
Addman: What! NO! Seat away, Baby!
Woman: Baby?
Addman: Ermm....hey what's your name?
Woman: Eila.
Addman: Say, Elia did it hurt when-
Fort: NO!
Addman: ...fine. Can I buy you a drink?
Fort: I'd love one.
Addman: Not you! ELIA!
*Fort and Addman look around to see their female companion gone.*
Addman: Damn it, there goes our chance of a female lead....
Fort: Let's go.
*Fort and Addman walk out, glancing a look at the old hag who seemed to have two hunky sailors in both arms.*

Fort: Well...I've discovered something about Partying. I ain't cut out for it.
Addman: Yeah, you cramped my style. I could have pulled that many Sailors if it wasn't for you!
Fort: Sailors?
Addman: Imeanchicks.
Fort: Oh.
Addman: ...
Fort: There is something very odd about you.
Addman: HAH! There's something odd about ME?
Fort: Well-

*Suddenly the two stop in their tracks, as they look up at one of the buildings they pass with the neon words plastered on the side "Dr. Frankensense Pinaist Enlargement Clinic.*

[addman]

Addman: Oh god, it's horrible.
Fort: I know, I know, the sign could use more work.
Addman: No, I mean Frankensense is doing peni-
Fort: Don't say it.
Addman: Why? We are two, mature, sensible guys, why can't we say that word?
Fort: Because he's enlarging pianists, not the thing you were thinking of.
Random Guy: And the dynamic duo discussed the implications of using rude words, and what effects that may have on the age rating and the sponsors.
Addman: What? No we weren't!
Fort: Who's that guy? Looks a bit weasley for such a powerful voice.
Random Guy: Apologies, I forgot to introduce myself. I am the Narrator.
Fort: You really shouldn't do that, it can make you blind.
Narrator: Well, technically, I'm not actually a Narrator yet. I'm still training for my diploma in Narration, and I was hoping that I could follow you around and narrate your lives.
Addman: Why us?
Narrator: Well, you two apparently have the craziest adventures. If I can narrate you, I'd get noticed for sure! I'd be famous!
Addman: This isn't the first time someone's tried to ride our fame train.
Fort: You mean the man who came to read the gas meter?
Addman: He was a spy trying to steal our seven secret herbs and spices!
Fort: We don't have any secret spices.
Addman: Oh yes ...haha... of course, ahem.
Narrator: Addman squirmed under the pressure, he'd inadvertently told Fort about a secret operation he's running under his nose. Will Fort pick up on it?
Fort: Aha! So that's why those people keep driving up and ordering "The Special"!
Addman: Shut up, he'd never have got that if you didn't mention it!
Narrator: After such a glowing victory, Fort's finger slid up his nose. Picking with passionate pride!
Fort: Stop pointing out my bad habits!
Addman: Alliteration, pretty good.
Narrator: Addman complements the Narrator on a job well done!
Fort: Let's try and ignore him.
Addman: Right, let's enter this pianist enlargement shop.
Narrator: The pair prepared to enter either a sex shop, or a backstreet surgery.
Addman+Fort: SHUT THE HELL UP!

*They enter the shop and see Frankensense hovering over a patient with numerous buzzsaws and other painful-looking equipment. Seeing them enter, Frankensense looks up from the patient, who also looks up at them*

Frankensense: Velcome.
Elia: Yes welcome.
Addman: Elia?! What are you doing to Elia?!
Frankensense: She azked for ze surgery, I zed I vould make her a fat, juicy pianist.
Addman: Well that explains why she wasn't interested...
Fort: Elia, get off that milk crate! He'll do nasty things to you!
Elia: But it has always been my dream to play the piano.
Fort: I don't think that's what he has in mind!
Narrator: The confusion over what Frankensense actually does in his pianist enlargement shop continues to grow...
Addman: Is he still here?
Fort: Quick! Tie him to the milk crate!

*Addman grabs the Narrator, pulls Elia off the crate, then helps Frankensense tie down the Narrator. They all stand back as Frankensense performs the most grotesque proceedures known to man. Elia covers her eyes and Fort begins to look pale*

Elia: I'm glad that wasn't me.
Fort: Ergh, we shouldn't have watched that...
Addman: *munch munch munch*
Elia: How can you eat cookies at a time like this?
Addman: Look sweet cheeks, when the hunger calls you gotta answer.
Narrator: Light fading...strength weakening...urge to play the piano with my member...rising...
Fort: He reminds me of someone...
Addman: Yeah we know someone else who talks in third person and narrates everything...
Mickey Rourke: The shop was as hot as hell, I entered, intrigued as to what Dr Frankensense could do for me...