The Wall

[Fort]

In search of a new type of Frut Tea, Fort travelled the southern Frontiers in earnest for a beberage that recognised the Tomato as NOT a vegtable.
One thing stood in his way, and that was...a wall. He wasn't sure where it came from, or what it was doing in the mysterious southern frontiers.*
Fort wasn't beaten though, he was going to climb the wall if it was the last thing that he did.
On the first day he tried a grapiling hook, but he couldn't fire high enough.
The second day, he tried mountain climbing, but having no previous experiance or equipment, he ruined his tent pegs and had been sleeping in the wet ever since.
The third day he had constructed a large jet pack out of gum and bamboo, complete with cooling system and fresh prine scent.
The fourth day he scrapped the jet pack because he didn't like the smell.
The fith day he gave up and used the stairs.

Today was the seventh day, and he was trapped down in the bowels of the wall, falling through the first booby-step. He was unkempt and unshaven, and his only freind was an old hermit who suffered the same fate as him, and Fort was willing to risk canabilisim to get the old coot to shut up about the theories of teleportation.

"Oh gods, someone will notice my Tent unused, won't they? I mean, come-on, they planted trackers on my ever since that incident with destroying the universe..."



* Although it retrospect, Ed's laws of mystery predicts that a mysterious wall is not really that uncommon. For example, look out your window at the fence, has it always been that funny colour? How very mysterious.



((Free for all role-play. :))

[Panther385]

Panther, apparently, had been one of those trackers. The Headmaster hadn't done much harm, so she flew to the top of an out-of-place wall, curled up into a ball, and slept. She napped for quite a long time, as Fort was now on top of the wall.... The shapeshifter wasn't worried at all and was now prowling around the wall. She nearly tripped of a hunched old man, most likely a hermit. The Xis demon that was her headmaster seemed to be dirty, unshaven, and mumbling to himself. Greeaaaat.... She said to herself. She walked around to the front of Fort and waved. "Um... Are you alright, Headmaster Fort...?"

[UncleAsriel]

((Hey, Headmaster! Leave them kids alone!
All in all you're just a...'nother brick in the wall!

Pink Floyd, everybody!))

[addman]

((Haha! Nice one Azzy!))

*A knock at Addman's door alerts him*

Addman: What is it?
Grunt: Sir, have you seen Fort recently?
Addman: Yes, he's in his office.
Grunt: No, that's just a reindeer that escaped Slugfoot's meat grinder.
Addman: Hmm I wondered why he was walking around on all fours, but I just thought to myself "Hey, it's Fort!".
Grunt: He's been missing for a week now.
Addman: How much longer do we have to wait before we can declare him legally dead?
Grunt: Sir, according to paragraph 3.5 of the AOC, if Fort goes missing, you have to send out a search party before claiming the Headmaster position.
Addman: Then what are you waiting for? Go and search everywhere, especially the places where he would never go in a million years!
Grunt: So, anywhere with women?
Addman: Aha clever joke about his awkwardness with the opposite sex, consider yourself up for promotion!

*And so, a search party of grunts, lead by Addman, ventured out of the cave*

[Fort]

((BWAHHAHA! Had to sig that, classic, Addman!))


Fort began to paw the front of Panther.*
"My sweet, sweet, Angel of Death! Kill me now!"
The Headmaster began to sob, as the dirty old Hermit started pointing at Panther, shouting loudly about how she had obviously teleported here, ignoring the fact that she just tripped over him, and a large footprint was stuck to his forhead.
"You've got to get word to Addman that I'm alive, he is completely prepared for this moment! He'll unsupur me! He may have already done so by now! He's power-hungry, he dangerous, he's smart, he's too damn over-qualified!"
Fort grasped hard to one of Panther's ligaments, and his bloodshot eyes met hers.
"On second thoughts. Kill the hermit..."

[addman]

The group trudged on across the wilderness. Addman lead them to the most remote areas he could find, places where he thought Fort would never be. So far, they had visited plains, fields, farmlands, and other wide open spaces so that if they spotted the headmaster, they could easily walk the other way and pretend they hadn't seen him. They had also taken a short time out to visit the tree shaped like Elvis.

Addman: Doncha step on my blue suede roots!
Grunt: *sigh* He'll be saying that all day now.

Eventually, the group stopped for a quick rest and a bite to eat. As Addman forcedly swallowed his last Slugfoot made cookie without vomiting all over himself, he thought to himself how awkward it was that they had to set out on foot. All the cave's vehicles were in use by the grunt armies fighting off pensioners at a jumble sale in Dojopolis. Although it was inconvenient, they desperately needed that audio book of Pee Wee Herman's Adventures, for it is believed to contain a blueprint for a doomsday device inside the cover.

Before long they were walking again, and Addman was issuing demands for another cookie break. They sat down a second time, when Addman asked a question.

Addman: How long do we have to keep looking?
Grunt: According to the AOC, at least two days.
Addman: TWO DAYS?! You can forget protocol this instant, we're going home!
Grunt: You cannot take the headmaster's seat until you've satisfied the conditions.
Addman: Well we'll just tell people that I searched high and low for weeks, no one will know. You'll just have to change everyone's calendars when we get back.
Grunt: But sir...
Addman: No buts! Now I'm just going to climb up this nearby wall to get our bearings so we know which way home is. Back in a second.

[Fort]

As Fort was clinging to Panther as if she was the fabled Tomato Tea, the old man was staring down the wall at the encroaching Addman, his white and manky beard flying in the wind.
The Old Hermit waved at the blue muppet, shouting loudly down at him, though he may as well had been talking to himself, "Aha! Obviously the terrible grievious error of a man teleporting with a large blue carpet under one arm! Making the two merge together at the same time! Just like this terrible deer man!"
The Old Man waved furiously at the muppet, "hello carpet person! I am your freind, tell me, what theories on teleportation do you have!"
The beard was in such a tangle by the wind, that when the old man's rambilings reached Addman's ears, it sounded like: "bellow varpet martian! Vim your fred! Sell me! Snot Treaties [unintelligable] valve!"

[Panther385]

"Er, sure..." Panther said, shaking her leg to loosen Fort's grip. As soon as the hermit had said "Just like this terrible deer man!", she got pissed. "Deer-man, am I?! Recognize a feline when you see it, old bag!" she morphed her arm into a large wooden mallet and whacked him over the head with it. "Anything els- hey, is that Addman?"

[Fort]

Fort, upon hearing the Muppet's name, whizzed past Panther and stared down the wall.
"Oh Gods! He's here to claim what is rightfully his!"
Fort gibbered a bit, and decided the best course of action was to throw the Hermit over the edge of the wall, down upon Addman.
Which he promptly did.

[addman]

((Hahaha, this is class))

As Addman approached the wall, he was greeted by an old man who began waving his arms and beard.

"Hmm this is obviously the pensioner's mating dance" He said to himself "Perhaps I should leave".

Addman turned around and started to walk the other way, only to hear someone call his name. As he turned towards the wall again, he got a face full of old man as the pensioner was flung from the wall. Addman rolled around on the floor, trying to push the grey haired attacker off, only to become slightly entangled in his beard.

"ARGH! It's trying to eat me! Now I know how all those cookies felt!"

Thinking quickly before the chin hair engulfed him whole, Addman pulled out his trusty Scimitar and began to hack away at the hair surrounding him. Before long, the old man's beard was gone, and he had a rather trendy haircut.

Old Man: Wow, I feel much younger and lighter, thanks.
Addman: Phew, safe at last. Hey, you've got red on you!
Old Man: Where are my arms?
Addman: Over there, on the floor.
Old Man: YOU'VE HACKED MY ARMS OFF!
Addman: Hey, if you weren't diving on people and trying suck out their nutrients through your parasitic beard, this wouldn't have happened!

Before long, the old man had keeled over in a mixture of shock and blood loss. Addman turned around to see Panther and the Headmaster on top of the wall. He would have turned around and escaped, but since Panther had seen him, he knew he'd lost his chance to take Fort's place for sure.

"Oh Fort, erm....thank goodness your safe, I've looked everywhere for you!"

[Kat_05]

"Nooo, you didn't Addman, I saw you leave a half an hour ago."

Now, why would Kat_05 be here? No reason, she just felt like being a grunt for a bit. Then she ate the grunt. Then she followed Addman.

"So, did you really want to get Fort down? Panther yes, but it seems like a god spot for Fort. As long as he's stuck up there we know he's not destroying the multiverse."

[Panther385]

Panther didn't know if that was a compliment, or something you add onto a sentence so someone else doesn't feel left out. "Err... Thank you?" She morphed her arm into a long green tentacle and wrapped it around the headmaster. "Don't worry, I've got him right here." She grinned, knowing that Fort shouldn't be able to get away before they bring him back to the cave.

[Fort]

Fort stared down, as the old man and Addman fought it out with the beard, before Addman finnaly took out what seemed to be a silly curved sword, from nowhere Fort noticed, and chopped the old man's beard and arms off.
Some leftover bits of beard were clinging to Addman's legs, trying to suck the nutriants out, but heck, Fort couldn't really tell, he was tired, unshaven, and could only think thoughts of teleportation related orgins.
Fort was glad that the old man was dead though, even his last words were stupid, and pointed out the blatantly obvious.
"Oh Fort, erm....thank goodness your safe, I've looked everywhere for you!" Addman mumbled.
Fort narrowed his eyes at the muppet, unsure, and looking for holes in his obvious brownosing, "Really? Even places with women...that doesn't seem like you at all. You know your obvious discomfort around Women, Addman. And who on earth is that promoted grunt standing next to you?"

Grunt: I am #3344467742, S'ar!
Fort: Number #3344467742?
Grunt: Yes, #3344467742, S'ar!
Fort: And why have you been promoted to Lieutenant General of the Black Humor department? It used to be dear old Roy who wore that badge.
Grunt: Roy retired sir.
Fort: You can never be up to the standards of Roy, you know.
Grunt: Well, I can try S'ar.
Fort: He lost his life in N'am, you know, such a senseless war. Apart from the decomposing he wasn't really that bad.
Grunt: Well I never went in N'am, S'ar, so....
Fort: Never complained. Smelled a bit. But always had a tidy desk.
Grunt: Very good, S'ar.
Fort: God bless that Zombie.

And suddenly, inside Hawaii, where the Zombie Roy was enjoying his retirement. He suddenly found himself smited by a Holy Aura. Hotel staff, inspecting the ash covered clothes, found that Roy had stuffed £3,000 worth of gambiling chips down his pants.

Kat suddenly appeared out of Addman's grunt squad, and pointed up to the Headmaster, shouting something about Fort being safe at the top of the wall for the duration of the universe's existance. Fort found this ludicrous, the last time he destoryed the universe was a circumstance right out of his control. While he contemplated these thoughts for a smart and highly arousing rebutal, he found a green tentacle wrapped around his torso, attached to Panther, who seemed to have got it into her head that she was an Octopuss, not a Deer man, silly Panther.
"I'd like to point out," muttered Fort darkly to the onlookers, "is that you all answer to my commands, and this is most undignified treatment for a leader!"
A small bald man, appearing over the edge of the other side of the wall, spoke up, "Like cutting their arms and beards off?" He asked.
The bald man wore a dress, (or whatever Buddahs wear, Pinyata? That sounds about right, lets go with Pinyata) the bald man wore a pinyata like a Buddah, and his face was old and leathery.
"After fourty five years of searching for the long lost son of our leader," the pinyata wearing monk muttered, "you lot killed him before the split few seconds we could get to him!"
Out of his Pinyata outfit, the Monk drew a sword.
"In the name of the Emperor! We wage a not so nice war of Pumpkins on you!"

[Zerrer]

then suddenly, an airplane dropped giant pumpkins onto the wall. each of the pumpkins opened up, and there were even more people inside the pumpkins. then a guy in a bright pink and orange toga pops out of one of the pumpkins, pulls out a hand held cannon and yells "fire!!!"
Thanks to you, i now have a new charector

Name: Krath
Gender: Male
Description: a large fat man with an orange and pink toga (it altenates, from orange and pink to pink and orange)
Weapon: a large cannon that shoot pears made of ice cream
Style: Monkey
Job:Very Cheap Mercenary
Fun fact: Stabbed self once for 6 yen

[Panther385]

Panther nodded, "But, to ensure your safety, we are prepared to do anything possible. Well, at least I am." She shot a glance at Addman, wishing she had Heat Vision. Or Meat Vision. Maybe she could hit him a with a sausage or something. Then some toga-wearing monk yelled crap about wars and pumpkins. Pumpkins in wars? Wars in pumpkins? Maybe for flies... Before the shapeshifter could try and figure all this out, the orange vegetable rained down upon the wall and people inside fired...pears made out of ice cream? "GAH! Retreat! Take cover! Do something before we all get sticky and have to take baths!" She started running across the wall, Fort slung over her shoulder.