The Great Cornelius Slaughtering

[3kul]

Ah, what would an EC public section be without a grand ol' Cornie bashing session? Not very evil, that's what!

For those of you not in the know, Cornelius is the Evil Council's personal punching bag. We can do pretty much anything to him and once he's dead another clone is made to replace him in seconds.

The rules are few in numbers and very simple:
1. Cornelius must die in every post (I cannot stress this enough)
2. No forces of good allowed! You are not to show any kindness or mercy to Cornelius (unless this is part of your plans to kill him)
3. Be creative!

I'll start off with a very easy one (I'm aware that I've started off by breaking rule 3), hopefully the next poster will feel encouraged to outdo me:

*3kul pours a can of gasoline into Cornie's mouth then throws him into a conveniently close furnace*

[Mitsukai]

*Mits uses an extremely long peacock feather to tickle Cornelius to death*

((I'm assuming that it's okay for my non-EC self to post... otherwise just delete it. ))

[3kul]

((No that's fine, the entire idea behind this section is to let non-EC people be involved in some of the stuff that we do... You know, as something other than the victims .))

*3kul strips Cornelius naked and throws him into a tank full of pirahna... and candirú.*

[Maraha]

*Puts a pickel in Cornelius' nose, forces him to eat Badfic quotes, and then feeds him to a Psycho Evil Hampire Vampster*

(;P Is this creative enough?)

[Sephirothsicase]

Seph: Hey Cornie, say this.
Cornie: Eh? What's that?
Seph: Just say this. *Hands a peice of paper.*
Cornie: Mortal Kombat?
Seph: He said it!

*Cornie screams as his spine is removed from the back of his neck.*

[Cloud]

*Cloud appears from round a corner*

Cloud: Oh Cornelius! I have a present for you
Cornelius: Oh joy!

*Cornelius follows Cloud. He gets lost in the depths of the Corrupted Cave and is consumed by vile creatures. Still alive, Cornelius' head bounces back the way he came.*

Cloud: How the hell are you still alive?
Cornelius: Well, it all started... *5 minutes later, Cloud kicks Cornie's head*

Seph: Cornie football again?
Cloud: Yeah, wanna play?

[addman]

*A new Cornie Clone wanders around the laboratory, shivering with fear and frantically searching for somewhere to hide. In enters Addman, fuming after a particulary stressful day of fighting off some of Net's underpants which has escaped the washing process. He spots Cornie*

Addman: Ah Cornie, come here!
Cornie: W-W-Why?
Addman: Don't worry, for once, I'm not trying to kill you.
Cornie: R-Really?
Addman: Nope, in fact, I need your help with something.
Cornie: My help? No one's asked for my help before.
Addman: If you do this, you'll be one of the greatest EC members to have ever lived?
Cornie: Really?! What is it?
Addman: This...

*Addman points to a giant swirling vortex*

Addman: Be a gent and close it will you? It leads to a wierd parallel dimension where there are no people, no trees, no planets, nothing. Just a billion giant, sentient, used pairs of Net's underpants.

*Addman pushes Cornie in, and before he can scream, a billion pairs of Net's underpants swarm Cornie and begin to smother him to death.*

Cornie: AAAAAAARGGHHH!!! SKIDMARKS IN MY MOU-glub...

[Chronos]

(I need to resolve this twixt Cornie and I)

Chronos: *walks in with a grim look on his face*
Cornelius: Chronos! Hey, man, what's up?
Chronos: You owe me! *brutally rips out Cornelius' liver*
Cornelius: AAAARRRGGHHH! *dies crying and bleeding*
Chronos: .... My liver.

[Maraha]

Harakiri (*Cough* My hamster): ... *Ruffle Ruffle*
Cornie: Aww~! A cute little hamster. Wait a second... Why is that hamster drooling... at... m-*Is promptly beheaded by the huge Hamster fangs, then is slowly gnawed beyond recognition*

(;D Beware the Hampire Vampsters! I've been brutally attacked by Harakiri... bah, stupid beast! Drew blood... precious... bloooood.... *Dies again*)

[TheBlackSoul]

*TheBlacKSoul walks in and decidezzZzssZ tooo vbashh up Cornie* *GiVesSss CorNniie a vbeer ahnD Gets him drunK* *Shows him aHhHn asSzzsssteriod* *Cornieh tries tooo hhug it and he GEts bLooOoWn up* ((Note: I was Drunnk when i posSsstehD tHhhis.))

[Mitsukai]

Mits: 'ello Cornie, how are you today?
Cornelius: *ish wary* Um... good... you...?
Mits: *frowns* Not very I'm afraid.
Cornelius: Something wrong?
Mits: I have this new potion that I would like to test... I know! Take a lil' sip okay?
Cornelius: I-I'm not sure that's a good idea...
Mits: *ignores him and stuffs the potion down his throat*

Moments later...

Cornelius: *purple face and gasping for breath* Whatpuffkindpuffofpuffpotionpuffispuffthispuff!
Mits: A suffocation potion. Here, drink this, it'll help.
Cornelius: Ipuffdon'tpuffwannapuffdie!!!
Mits: Oh stuff it. *shoves potion down his throat*
Cornelius: *goes into a massive seizure and dies*
Mits: See.. it did help... kinda-ish.

[Mr. Barret]

*sneaks up behind Cornelius whilst he is walking unawares down a hallway*

*performs a very unhonorable attack upon said Cornelius involving a troga (a wire with two wooden handles on the end used for looping over the heads of enemies and pulling swiftly) and Cornelius' neck*

*takes body and marinates it in tabasco sauce, then barbecues it nicely (medium well)*

*Finds another Cornelius clone and offers him a steak*

"Hey, this is pretty good, what is. . . *gak*. . . *cough*. . . "help". . "Hot"

*grabs a funnel and hands it to Cornelius*

Me: "Put this in your mouth and hold on tight"

Cornelius: *cough* *cough* "K"
He puts the narrow end into his mouth and grips with both hands

*Quickly moves and raises a tub of wet cement over wide end of funnel*

Me: "Ready?"
Cornelius: "Uh huh!"

*Lifts bottom of tub up in air and allows the cement to go plummeting down the funnel*

Instant Cornelius statue, with skin!

[Mitsukai]

((Wow... that was demonic. ^))

*teleports ol' Cornie to the world of Hellrising in his birthday attire and leaves him to fend for himself*

[Mr. Barret]

((*bows* why thank you, that was the intention of this thread, was it not?))

*fastens in screws to the cave walls, and attaches pulleys and chains, and creates a hellava racket with his construction*

*for a final touch, a large weighted blade is attached to the mechanism and the whole machine tightened and cocked*

*the mechansim is wound and out of sight above the rafters*

*goes hunting for the most recent Cornelius*

*spots him and waves*

Me: "Hey, Cornelius, I want to kill you."

Cornelius: "What's new? But I'm not going to just let you kill me whenever you want, you know!"

Me: "What? Isn't that what you're here for?" Well, I guess I'll just have to work for it then." Come here." *beckons with curled fingers*

Cornelius: "Fine, but I'm watching you."

*begins to walk down the hallway toward his device*

*while walking, eyes wander about the hallway, and pause at a point above the rafters about five feet in front of the hidden mechansim*

Cornelius: "I see what you're doing, you can't fool me." His eyes try to follow mine and see what I'm looking at. His eyes spot the bucket of water and the attached trip line that are placed where my eyes looked.
"I see your trap. There's probably acid in the bucket that will burn the flesh off of my bones, isn't there?"

Me: "Oops, you caught me, Cornelius."

Cornelius: *Takes a flying leap over the fairly obvious trip wire* *and lands smack dab upon the much thinner line the is holding the far deadlier device in place*

*the large blade nearly whistles as it falls*

*it lands squarly upon its target and slices Cornelius neatly in half*

*in a bit of irony, one of the halves of the body falls on the other trip wire and is doused in water falling from above*

(I just love irony)

[Mitsukai]

((No, no it's not. *sarcastic* ))

Mits: *spots Cornie* Hey Cornie!
Cornelius: *ish wary* Um... hi... yes...?
Mits: I feel like cooking. What's your favourite food?
Cornelius: Um... *says a random food*
Mits: Okie dokie. *walks into the kitchen*

Moments later...

Mits: Ta-da! Try it Cornie!
Cornelius: I'm not sure I should...
Mits: *stuffs it down his throat anyways*
Cornelius: *becomes amazing fat* *breaks out in a sweat* What have you done to me?!?
Mits: You'll see...
Cornelius: ...
Mits: *whistles*
Groudon: *comes and eats Cornelius*
Mits: At least you got to eat your favourite food before you died Cornie. *pats Groudon*